Results Verses Reality

To be increasingly effective as a person and leader, we must grow in our self-perception. Without knowing it, many people believe things about themselves that are simply not true.

One of my mentors says, “People are polite. Don’t believe everything good they say about you.”

Instead of simply listening to what people say (or what you believe), look at the outcomes of your efforts.

Here are a few examples:

• If people tell you that you are a great leader; but you have extremely high turnover in your staff, maybe you’re not as great as you believe you are.
• If you believe you are a great teacher, but few people sign up for your class; maybe your best gift isn’t really teaching.
• If you think you are funny, but other people simply don’t get your humor; you should probably keep your day job.

In the early years, I believed that I was effective in communicating God’s principles of generosity. Even though I thought I was effective, our church didn’t seem to grow much, if any, in generosity. People would even say, “That was a good sermon on generosity.” But if we aren’t getting the desired results, it doesn’t matter what people say or what we believe.

Once I realized that I wasn’t as effective as I thought, I opened my heart to hear clearly from God. He showed me I wasn’t as generous as I believed I was. God changed me before He changed our church.

You may believe something to be true, but if you don’t see results, what you believe may not be true.

3 comments

Self-Perception

Someone said, “Perception is reality except for self-perception.” The first part of that statement is debatable, but the second part is unquestionably true. (Anyone who doesn’t believe it only needs to watch the tryouts of American Idol.)

Accurate self-perception is extremely difficult to obtain—especially for successful leaders.

Instead of becoming more aware of weaknesses and vulnerabilities, flourishing leaders can easily become increasingly blinded.

One would think that success draws wise advisors. Unfortunately, the opposite is often true. The higher one rises in any organization, the more likely others will tell them what they want to hear, rather than the truth.

This week we’ll talk about how to become increasingly self-aware so we can grow as leaders and as people.

11 comments

The Other Side of the Betrayal

Let me say first of all that I would never recommend that anyone betray another person in any way.

Yet I’ve seen how God often uses what Satan meant for harm, a betrayal, to make a relationship better on the other side.

For example, I can’t count the number of times I’ve counseled a couple through an affair. Although many times this will cause an unstable marriage to break down, often times the opposite is true. When both people are truly seeking Christ, the power of forgiveness and healing overcomes the power of the evil one.

Amy and I watched as a betrayed wife accepted her wayward husband back. Through tears she told him she was choosing to forgive him as freely as Christ had forgiven her.

Stunned, he returned a bold promise that he’d devote the rest of his life to serving Christ and serving her. So far he’s delivered on his promise. Their marriage is better today than it ever has been.

If you’ve been hurt by someone or by a church, maybe your relationship—with God’s help—can be even better on the other side.

11 comments

The Other Side of the “Almost Termination”

I’m writing this post on a plane next to Jerry Hurley, our pastor of team development. Jerry leads a team that hires, trains, and develops our whole staff.

We were talking about how many of our star staff members almost didn’t make the cut at some point or another.

I remember during my first ministry role at First United Methodist Church in Oklahoma City, several people on the board decided that I was the wrong fit for the job. They told me plainly that I wasn’t likely to remain in that role.

Around the same time, leaders of the denominational ordination committee sincerely questioned my “call” to ministry. After several difficult conversations, God planted a deep resolve in my heart to humble myself, become teachable, and do whatever it took to please God–even if it meant losing my job.

Something inside me changed. I was no longer trying to prove myself and keep my job, I was trying to please God and fulfill His calling. On the other side of these rough spots, I had the opportunity to do more effective ministry at FUMC than I did before.

When a person faces one of his or her greatest fears of being terminated, sometimes the best ministry is still on the other side.

12 comments

The Other Side of Brokenness

A few years ago, I sat on my back porch with one of our campus pastors who was struggling in his role. It was clear that he may not make it as a campus pastor.

It wasn’t because he wasn’t trying. This guy was bringing his best. And it wasn’t because he didn’t care. No one cared more than he did. This guy simply wasn’t succeeding at producing the right outcomes through his people.

When he asked my advice, I told him that God needed to break him. That obviously wasn’t what he wanted to hear. Through tears he told me that he was pretty sure that he was broken.

I explained that if he was “pretty sure,” then he wasn’t broken. When you are broken, you know for sure you are broken.

Over a series of other painful events, this campus pastor finally reached a place of deep brokenness before God. When many parts of his life fell apart, God started putting them back together. Almost overnight, this pastor became an infinitely better spiritual leader and is leading a campus in a way that truly honors God.

Recently he told a group of people, “You won’t really know the goodness of God until you are totally broken.”

If you are hurting deeply right now, God’s love and power are even more evident on the other side of brokenness.

22 comments

The Other Side

Romans 8:28 offers the amazing promise of God bringing good out of all situations for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

I’ve watched God bring good on the other side of many difficult times. This week I’ll write about four different ways I’m seeing God’s goodness on the other side.

Today I’ll talk about the other side of financial trials.

Many churches and non-profits around the world experienced a difficult year financially in 2009. Interestingly for us, 2008 was more difficult.

In October of 2008, out of nowhere, the bottom dropped out of our contributions. Week after week, I expected it to return to normal. When it didn’t, we started making aggressive changes. Anywhere we discovered fat, we cut it.

Once we eliminated everything we knew to cut (over about an 8 week period), the giving mysteriously went back to normal. Our only conclusion was that God wanted to get our attention so we’d make some valuable changes.

Thankfully, when 2009 hit, we were already prepared for a leaner year. God had clearly taught us to how do more with less.

An economic downturn can force you to make decisions you wouldn’t otherwise make. It might motivate you to eliminate ineffective staff members or programs. You’ll think twice before you invest resources in new projects. You might add another service rather than building a new building.

I believe we are better honoring God because of the downturn than we would have without it. It truly is better on the other side.

9 comments

Keeping Things In Perspective

While uneducated or cruel critics can be distracting, try to keep things in perspective. Where I live, ministers’ (or Christians’) lives are rarely in danger for being a Christian. Countless numbers of believers have suffered gravely for their faith in Christ. If all we have to do is endure a few people complaining, blogging, or writing emails, we haven’t suffered much.

Besides, when someone takes a shot at us or our churches, if their criticism isn’t true or valid, what does it really matter? If we can stand before God with integrity, it doesn’t matter what someone else says. It only matters what God thinks.

Rather than honing in on the negative, I try to remember that our battle is not against flesh and blood. Instead of being sidelined by criticism, I choose to stay in the game and fight the more important fight.

The best way to avoid criticism is to not do anything significant. That’s one reason I don’t worry a lot when we receive occasional criticism. I worry more when we don’t.

20 comments

You’re Invited: Haiti Conference Call

This Wednesday, church leaders are invited to join a conference call to discuss how we can best work together to help the people of Haiti. I’ll be joining Andy Stanley and Wess Stafford in leading the call as we cover the following topics:

• The latest information about the current situation in Haiti
• Why the church in Haiti is the hope of Haiti
• Learning how to help the church in Haiti
• What your church can do to help
• Leading your congregation through this crisis

If you’re a church leader, and you’re interested in joining our 35-minute discussion, you can call 800-698-9012 at 2:00pm Mountain Time, this Wednesday, January 20.

I look forward to seeing what God will accomplish through His Church for the people of Haiti.

6 comments