Comments on: Your Friendship Matters

By: A. Amos Love

A. Amos Love — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 19:55:52 +0000

Craig

You write…
“Many of my pastor friends tell me that they feel lonely in ministry.
Many have explained that other pastors in town are difficult to get to know and trust.”

How sad.

If “pastors/leaders” (as we see them today) are of God?
He’s not taking very good care of His shepherds; Is He?

This is info from a website helping burned out Pastors.

PastorCare offers support and encouragement for pastors and their families.
At PastorCare we care about YOU and we want to help.

http://www.pastorcare.org/PastorCare/Health___Healing.html

According to the Francis A. Schaeffer Institute of Church Leadership (2007)
• 77% say they do “not” have a good marriage.
• 71% have felt burned out or depressed.
• 70% do not have someone they consider a close friend.
• 40% report a serious conflict with a parishioner at least once a month.
• 38% are divorced or seriously considering divorce.

According to the Ministering to Ministers Foundation…
• Over 1600 pastors in the U.S. are forced out of their positions each month.
• Nearly 1 in 4 pastors experience a forced termination at least once during their ministry.
•Only 54% of pastors go back into full-time church related positions.

Think we might have a problem with the title “Pastor?”
70% of pastors are depressed or burnt out.
70% Don’t have a close friend. Hmmm?

That’s who is running the show.
“Pastors/Leaders?”
77% who say they don’t have a good marriage. Hmmm?
That’s who is “abusing” God’s sheep.

Think there might be a problem with today’s “Pastors/Leaders?”

1600 pastors a month, that’s 19,000 a year, leave or are pushed out. Wow!!!
That’s 1600 families a month suffering “abuse” from a “Corrupt Religious System.”
That’s a lot of broken hearts, disappointments, feelings of failure, pain, abuse.

In His Service. by His Grace.

By: Brian

Brian — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 18:29:53 +0000

oh, we have friends nearby and in our district (we’re AG) just not able to be friends with the other pastors here - not going say who they are with. It is frustrating but something I have to take to the Lord and try not to get too displaced about. thanks for the comments (to a certain extent I can see why they feel they way they do (about women pastors) - it’s just unfortuante that in some cases doctrinal loyalties get put ahead of Christ’s commands to love and accept one another).

By: Jared B

Jared B — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 05:08:40 +0000

I am really confused as to why people in almost every congregation would do this…it just doesn’t make sense to me. I am greatly perplexed…

But at the same time, I will take your warnings and choose wisely!

By: Brandon Duff

Brandon Duff — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 23:15:52 +0000

Brian, My heart goes out to you and your wife. Praying for God to work.

By: Bill (cycleguy)

Bill (cycleguy) — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:53:54 +0000

Bill G: I would like to take a gander at your question. It is tough being treated the same. Some won’t/don’t want to. They want their pastor on a pedestal. On the other hand I have known pastors who “take pride” in their people being earthy around them. I find that offensive and showing a lack of respect (for me or anyone for that matter). I think one of the things you need to do is find those who have some of the same things in common like eating out or watching movies or going to ball games. My wife and almost always eat out on Sunday and have found a family or two who are “of the same mind.” We almost always have a standing date and enjoy the time together. That is just one example.

By: Bill (cycleguy)

Bill (cycleguy) — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:49:59 +0000

I feel for you Brian. There are definitely pastors in this community that I would not trust as far as I could throw them nor confide in in any way, shape or form. Too much competition and hard feelings. But I have been blessed by being able to find a Naz pastor (I am not Naz) whom I have gone out to eat with on numerous occasions and now find him a good ally. He is also one year younger than me (a fact he reminds me of) :) In fact, I recently asked him to be my accountability partner in Covenant Eyes. I trust him implicitly. Can you go to another close town and find someone from your own denomination?

By: Brian

Brian — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 19:48:05 +0000

it’s not possble for my wife and I to be friends with the other pastors in the community in which we minister - my wife is the pastor and I her co-pastor and that is just too hard for the other pastors to accept and even many in their congregations run from us when they see us - nope - not possible for us here.

By: Judy

Judy — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 19:07:33 +0000

We have enjoyed some amazingly strong and lasting friendships and we have suffered some unbelievable hurt and betrayal…I think both are unavoidable in ministry…it is the amazingly stong and lasting friendships that anchor you during the suffering times..I guess it is a risk…sometimes the seemingly wise choices end in hurt…

By: Brandon Duff

Brandon Duff — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 18:47:07 +0000

Bill G, Keep looking for ways to be real before your people.

By: Mark Ahrens

Mark Ahrens — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 18:02:44 +0000

In the Lutheran church I attend in Huntington Beach, CA, I’m fortunate that my Senior Pastor is a huge movie buff. In fact, he managed a theater for Regal Cinemas (formerly Edwards) before being called into ministry. He also has a poster of “The Shawshank Redemption” in his office. I love movies and appreciate that he goes with me to see some from time to time as his schedule is free. Even movies that aren’t PG…or PG-13, lol. He is still my pastor and I respect his godly wisdom, but he is also a friend.

By: Craig Groeschel

Craig Groeschel — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 17:44:00 +0000

Can anyone else offer Bill some tips or ideas?

By: Craig Groeschel

Craig Groeschel — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 17:43:42 +0000

Bill G., I’m glad you asked. I don’t have a lot of answers, but I’ll give you some thoughts.

Our family has been deeply hurt in the past by church friendships. We wondered if it was ever worth risking again.

I’ve actually talked about this subject with the church. I make fun of the way some people don’t treat us like we’re normal to show just how silly it is. We also work hard to show our family as a normal family rather than being perfect.

I think we’ve also matured some over the years and have learned to better work through conflicts. It may be easier in a larger church than a smaller one because everyone doesn’t have to know everything.

By: Rusty Jarrett

Rusty Jarrett — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 17:40:46 +0000

Great post and so true!

By: BillG

BillG — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 17:19:26 +0000

Hey Craig, what do you thing contributes to your success in getting people to treat you like a normal person? I think most of the people reading this blog would love to be treated the same by the people we spend time with each Sunday. Any Tips?

By: Jim Baer

Jim Baer — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 17:07:09 +0000

Thanks for the letter Craig, our prayers are with you. We appreciate your honesty and your seeking others input. I have experienced both critical responses and supportive actions. I know that some people expect super-Christian behavior from church leaders but praise God that He knows that we are dust like everyone. His grace is sufficient for us in every situation, we can’t serve others without His empowerment.

By: Jim F.

Jim F. — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 14:34:40 +0000

Been burned and blessed from friendships since I have been a Pastor. I will never allow being burned keep me from the blessing that come through the church friendships but I am very choosey with whom I befriend - choosey pastors choose wisely.

Thanks for the good thoughts!

By: Brandon Duff

Brandon Duff — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 14:28:12 +0000

A few months back I had to sit down with my leadership team and share a real challenge one of my teens was facing. I know that in some churches the pastor would have been challenged on his parenting skills or even asked to leave. My team cried and prayed with me. I am thankful for men who stand with my family. My congregation responded in the same way. I am blessed.

My heart breaks for pastors that feel they are not able to be real with their church. Praying for the many who will read this and long for this type of relationship with their church.

By: Your Friendship Matters - LifeChurch.tv : swerve » blog.lonelynot.org

Your Friendship Matters - LifeChurch.tv : swerve » blog.lonelynot.org — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 14:19:57 +0000

[...] Read more here: Your Friendship Matters - LifeChurch.tv : swerve [...]

By: Craig Groeschel

Craig Groeschel — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 13:46:24 +0000

Bill, Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I was taught the same things when I was younger. You are absolutely correct. You must choose wisely.

By: Michael

Michael — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 13:39:10 +0000

Craig that is great stuff. I can tell you that those were honest concerns of my wife’s when I first told her God had placed a calling upon my heart.
Bill…I think that is excellent advice and as a “young” guy I certainly do appreciate it.