Listening to Truthful Feedback
For years, I honestly believed I was a good listener. When people tried to tell me that I didn’t always pay attention to them, I’d dismiss them as being overly sensitive.
(Can you imagine a better example of not being a good listener? I didn’t even listen to what they were trying to tell me!)
Once I acknowledged that they might be right, I became open to learning the specific ways in which I might have communicated to others, making them feel that I didn’t value what they were saying.
I had to ask specific questions to get truthful feedback.
Had I asked, “You don’t think I’m a bad listener, do you?” I would not have gotten valuable feedback.
Instead, I asked a few trusted staff members, “Tell me three things I do that says, ‘I don’t value what you are saying’.”
They all said similar things: I often seem rushed or I’m checking my blackberry or not looking them in the eye. This specific feedback was very valuable to me.
To get specific feedback, try asking specific questions.
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Sometimes the hard part (atleast for me) is trying to find those who will give me truthful feedback. My wife is one who does but finding others can be hard - no one wants to hurt my feelings.
Good post.
Truthful and specific feedback is not always the easiest; however it’s always the best. I always have a greater level of respect for those that keep it real, as opposed to those that claim to keep it real, when the reality is they “Keep It Real Fake!”
I Agree Specific questions are SOOOO important..Open ended questions can be open for a character slaughter instead of quality feedback…people LOVE authority and if you give it to them in your questions …some can really drag you down a barbwire fence as they are “Blessing your Heart” at the same time (if you even get that)…. we have to be SO careful with our words.
My strategy…Really Listen/Ask CLOSED ended questions…TRY to not immediately react if you get negativity (this is hard) and compare the words with THE word. Do mini heart/mirror/intention checks all day
long….I am the type that has let others perspective trump any other perspective in the past…and I have worked really hard on purpose to have SELECTIVE hearing. Great post :)
I have tended to take a defensive stance as well. When someone has criticized me for example, instead of asking if that person might be right I list off the reasons they aren’t. So much for learning. My mind is usually going a million miles a minute (I am not ADD though) and preoccupied with other things. This is a good suggestion to slow down and listen. problem is: I am not a multi-tasker so when I am doing something else I definitely am not listening. Thanks for the good suggestion today Craig.
I like what Scott had to say, “Keep it 100%” But when we ask for 100% be ready to receive it…
Reminds me of Harry from Dumb & Dumber - “She broke up with me…said a whole bunch of stuff about me not listening to her…and some other stuff…I’m not really sure I wasn’t really paying attention..”
LOL that one makes me crack up every time…
I’ve always been the one that has listened intently…except for lately, strangely enough. I always act rushed, and I know it.
I’m going to fruitcaking get back on track, because, jokes aside, this does make a huge difference in how people feel around you - and I want them to feel valued…so I’m going to again be intentional here.
Thanks for the post! I love mind-reigniting posts!
[...] Listening to Truthful Feedback [...]
I love this post. I frequently seek feedback from our staff and I’m not sure I’ve been asking specific enough questions. Thanks for the challenge.
Today I posted a similar thought post: http://www.ronedmondson.com/2010/02/any-questions.html
Ron
I recently met someone who is an excellent listener. When I communicate with her, I know she’s fully present in the moment and taking my words seriously. It’s like a gift to me when I speak with her, and I want to provide the same experience for others. I asked her how she became such a great listener, and she said it takes practice. This encourages me to keep trying.
I believe that when one person provides honest feedback it can create a culture of feedback where people become less defensive over time. If your home or work environment isn’t this way, start the trend and others will follow.
My wife could respond to this about me alot better than I can. I like what was said yesterday about someone being honest to you. Now thats tough, are we to believe every thing that is said about us from every good person we know? I would also believe this to be a huge key that satan can use. I am not a preacher or nothing like that just an average guy who loves to read this blog. but I will voice my opion if I feel it be gods will.God and Jesus bless
Very good post. It made me wonder how God must feel when we don’t listen to Him. Hmm…
Great advice!
Listening is an art. It is as much about what you are doing, (looking at your phone, answering your phone, writing, moving items) as it is about what you are hearing. The counseling phrase,” I hear you saying that……” is sometimes a helpful feedback tool to let people know you hear them. My secret (for those people that take a lot of your time, but you still need to listen to) see them outside your office in the outer office. When your time is up, you can escape back to your office. There is nothing wrong with telling people on the outset that you want to listen to them, but you only have so many minutes till your next task.
When you hear truthful feedback from,” two or three trusted witnesses,” its time to see if the Holy Spirit needs to change your direction.