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The Final 10% Relationally
I’ve noticed that when it comes to relationships, it is easy for me to rationalize giving 90%.
- In my marriage, I might believe that when I serve Amy with 90% of my heart, I’m still offering her more than most men do.
- In my friendships, if I’m giving 90% of my best, most would be satisfied with my commitment.
- In my ministry relationships, if I serve pastors with 90% efforts, that is probably way better than most.
Jesus taught us to go the “extra mile” or give our coat as well as a shirt. If I stop serving others when I’ve given 90%, I haven’t given my best.
I’m writing this post on a plane after being at an out of town funeral. Normally, I would have flown home on an earlier flight. Today I booked a later flight to spend a little extra time ministering to the family.
Even though I’m very tired as I type this and I miss my wife and kids dearly, I’m still thankful God gave me the chance to give my final 10% to a family in need.
How have you recently shown the final 10% relationally? How have you not?
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Just recently a family in the church had a loved one who was dying. I did not just go to the hospital the day that I heard and right before the family member died but I went every day possible not always staying a long time but enough to encurage and pray with and for the family. It did put a dent in the study time but the family needed the extra ministry time and at the same time the hospital sits next to a home where a mentally challenged person from the church is and so I stopped there every time I was at the hosptial. Again it was done to minister to the one there and the family. I am like you and think God blesses those times we do things whole hearted.
Just this past weekend I did not give my last 10%. This has been a terribly trying 6-8 months and I had plans last Friday to go to another town, have my Outlander serviced and then ride bikes with a friend. I got a call about a teen being taken to the hospital in Indy (she is in and out). I “selfishly” chose to do what I had already planned. Last Tuesday I had paid my respects at the funeral home and after lunch with some folks from the church decided to do something else (ride) rather than go back to the funeral home for the service. I later felt guilty for not going back. I suspect you could say I did not give my last 10%. My question for you Craig and for others is this: I am feeling close to being fried. When do you decide that you need to save that last 10% for yourself? Or is that being selfish?
For me..Quality trumps quantity. It doesn’t matter if I spend 2 hours with someone or 10 minutes. What matters…is what I invest or “do” with my time (heart condition) and focus. I can’t stand seeing couples out on a date not even communicating with each other, just eating, looking around. WOW! you went on a date (check that off the list) but what was gained? (Nada)…
We are ALL stretched for time and we always will be. We all have to have alone/recharge time. My question to myself is… when I have an opportunity to invest in someone am I really (on purpose) “hearing” them or am I thinking about…MY laundry list? My answer (a question)… Laundry will ALWAYS be there but will this opportunity?
Bill asked a good question, “My question for you Craig and for others is this: I am feeling close to being fried. When do you decide that you need to save that last 10% for yourself? Or is that being selfish?”
Thanks for your transparent question. I’d love to hear what wisdom you all have for Bill. (I am praying for you this morning, my friend.)
Some days I give 90% and some days I give the extra 10%. Recently, my friend lost her dad to cancer. Normally, I would go to the funeral and that’s it. But this time me and my friends hung out with the family just 24 hours after he passed. It meant more to them that she had friends like that than I ever expected. That’s when I gave my extra 10%. But truthfully, those instances aren’t as often as I’d like. I’m usually satisfied with giving 90% because I’m so tired or just not paying attention.
GIving 100%! We live in a society that screams, “ME FIRST”. It is so hard to get balance in our lives. As pastors this is a tight rope walk. On one hand we have the “burn out rather than rust out crowd” telling us to give it all. On the other hand we have the crowd that screams 36 hour work week, lots of time off, shut yourself out from your congregation even when it’s an emergency. Somewhere we must find balance and that is found only when we seek God. We must hear from him. When we do, we can leave guilt behind, because we are following him. We will never live up to people’s expectation of what 100% is, but we can live up to what God’s 100% is for our life or for any particular situation. Being sensitive to his leading on a case by case situation is important. My Father loves me too much to hurt me and he loves me enough to stretch me. GIving 100% will be hard, but he will lead me to still waters when I need refreshment.
Ten days ago I got out of the hospital (on a Thursday) and I had full intention of staying home on Sunday morning, allowing my team to lead our Sunday morning experience. I think most would have agreed, even the burn out crowd, that I should stay home. I prayed and asked God what was best and he clearly put on my heart that I needed to be part of our Sunday experience, even if it was a more limited capacity than usual. Yes it would be very hard to give 100% and maybe even have some impact on my health, but it was what God was leading me to do. I would never presume the same choice on anyone else, it was what I knew I needed to do. Needless to say God showed up big time and I know he used my willingness and multiplied it out in lives being changed that morning.
God is my standard for 100% and He is the dispenser of grace when I fall short.
To be honest, I feel like I’ve only been giving 70%…
I now realize more of my responsibility with my friends and family and need to step up to the line. My excuse has been that I have so much going on that I need alone time, but the truth is that I need to reprioritize and make time for what and who I value.
Thanks for the encouragment!
And Bill, I’m not much of somebody experience wise to offer help, but I’d say maybe u need to step back in some areas and step forward in some. I’ve just realized I should not feel fried…so maybe a life-adjustment or change of some sort is needed for refreshment. IDK, maybe u just need to have a good, long phonecall with God and ask Him what needs to change?
God’s best to all of you!
May we focus on Him and Him and Him and Him and His calling (voice)
I was in a meeting today and somebody quote Mother Theresa: ‘Give until it hurts’.
I think that can give us an idea of what the last 10% is: When it hurts.
It’s not cool, it’s not desirable and it’s not a circumstance that neither one of us would choose by our own ‘free will’.
I think the last 10% often is a ‘place’ where God leads His people when it is needed according to His will, His plan and His people’s needs. Like the time when Paul and Silas were taken to the prison because there was a person that God wanted to reach.
Jared: you sound like my wife!
To clarify more: we have just had an upheaval over the past 6-8 months. A youth pastor who changed the worship music approach (getting rid of the worship teams) and then claimed burnout when it tanked. People left. Him ultimately leaving. A lease that was up and jacked around with so that I was told “we want out of here” but no place was suitable. had an elder resign and leave because we didn’t move and had another family leave because we are thinking about it. No youth pastor since the youth/worship pastor left in April. A 5th Anniversary coming up and a Day of Service during that time. Involvement with the youth program (getting it under way). Much has been delegated but still much has landed on my shoulders. With all of this some undermining by the elder who left seems to be taking place as well. Told the leadership they needed to step up. I am taking some time in October and November to visit my grandson and family. Things are getting better and will get better or I will leave. Thanks for the suggestions. God & I have had some talks though.
Reminds me of my wedding ceremony 16 years ago when the pastor (also my future-father-in-law)reminded Sharon and I that marriage is not 50/50…It is a 100%on both sides.And there have been many times where I’ve been 75% on my side. And it’s nearly damaged us. But I made a committment this past summer to make a choice every morning to stay focused and pray like a madman…it’s beautiful to see the restoration process…painful, yet, awesome.
Bill, I know you and God do!
I don’t understand what you’re going through, but am just trying to offer encouragement and whatever direction I can!
One thing I do believe: when things get complex sometimes the best thing you can do is simply run and simplify.
Love you bro! Will be praying for you!
Giving the extra 10% can be so difficult at times. It is something that I really ask God for strength because I can get tired “relating” to people all day.
When it comes to relationships I’m not even sure if I give the first 10%, insecurity and laziness keep me from investing in people the way I really should. I suppose the reason why it is hard for me to give of myself more, is because I’m not sure whether I will get it back.
But God has really been working on my heart in this area of relationships and I know with his help I will be free of the wrong habits and mindset I currently struggle with, He has already brought me a very long way.
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