The Spiritual Father
I was honored to spend some time with an African-American group of pastors. Pastor after pastor referred to other men as their “spiritual fathers.” It was not uncommon for one pastor to introduce me to his spiritual father and call him, “Dad.”
Intrigued by this term of respect and admiration, I asked more about it. One friend explained that so many young men lacked godly fathers that embracing a man of God as a spiritual father can be life-changing.
It is more uncommon in my church circles to hear the term “spiritual father.” This is sad to me. Elijah was a spiritual father to Elisha. Paul was a spiritual father to Timothy (and others). Titus 2 teaches older women to disciple younger women.
This week I’d like to discuss the rich image of a spiritual father.
Is this a term used in your culture? What are your thoughts?
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Great Food for Thought! I have never heard this term before but now that I have I am curious. My question…Is is just a term on endearment or a true lifestyle? What a powerful combination of two words! What would most ask (including myself) Spiritual Father/Mother? hmmm…could anyone really invest in me or could I REALLY invest in someone at THIS intimate level. Now that is truly throwing your nets into the deep water…
Wow ..can’t spell before coffee…
Yes, it is a term used in our culture here in the Caribbean. I have been blessed by the relationships I have had with Godly men, some of whom I have considered spiritual fathers. Every 2nd Saturday a group of us younger leaders assemble at the home of one of these men and get to listen to, as he puts it, “anything that can prove useful.” That session has come to be known as the “Frodos” session - the premise being that our spiritual father is like Bilbo, who passed on the Ring to Frodo so that Frodo could achieve his destiny.
It was he who gave me a copy of The Shack to read, which I have recently finished, and benefited from… and I was at his house after just severing a good friendship for the sake of my marriage.
So yes, it has been extremely beneficial to me personally, and I would encourage anyone to invest in someone else - don’t worry if you don’t feel qualified - your experiences and lessons learned will benefit someone else; they are your qualifications!
I have used the term spiritual father for quite some time. I think that in our walk with God we need someone who will come along side of us while we are young and guide us to maturity. I think that it is really the lost art of discipleship, where a person raises another up till they are ready to lead themselves and others. I am so glad that I have an amazing spiritual father in Randy Bezet, pastor of Bayside Community Church in Bradenton, Fl.
It doesn’t seem to be very evident in our culture just by hearing or briefly observing, but I think if we took a while to look around & watch closely, then we’d definitely see examples of ‘Spiritual Parenthood’ occuring in our church. I personally have a couple who I look up to as a Spiritual Mum & Dad & have really appreciated the wisdom & encouragement that I’ve received from them that I didn’t get from my actual parents. I never saw it coming before I knew the couple, the relationship just seemed to grow naturally over time as I got to know & trust them more.
Question-if you wanted to create this type of culture, how would you go about it?
Bajanpoet, Thanks for telling us about your relationships in the Caribbean. You are obviously a part of a very meaningful community. I hope you’ll continue to bless us with your experiences this week during our discussion.
T.J., Randy B is an awesome man of God! You are blessed to have him speak into your life.
Aussie Kyle asked a good question about how you would go about creating this type of culture. Maybe some of you can jump in and give him some thoughts.
A term of endearment, respect, accountability and most importantly a term of responsibility! It takes the in my opinion watered-down term of “accountability partner” to another level!
Looking forward to your thoughts!
Sweet! I am finishing up my thesis on the role of a spiritual father in developing young leaders. From my research it appears that although many churches have these types of relationships in action, Pentecostal/Charismatic churches are more comfortable with the term and the intentional effort to develop these levels of relationship. Biblical patterns (because they are based on Hebrew culture) always contained a fatherhood connection. Wow Craig I think we have really neglected this component. Our discipleship has become more intellectually based and less spiritual fatherhood/motherhood based. Sorry to ramble. The subject pumps me up. I lacked that kind of relationship in my development.
In 1 Corinthians 4:15 Paul tells the church that they have many instructors but few fathers, and that he considers himself their father through the gospel. He also writes to Timothy as his “son”. And many other times he refers to being in “labor of birth” for the churches so that they would come to maturity and understanding. As a church of almost 300 people in a small town in Georgia (pop: 500), there are several of us that consider our Apostle our spiritual father. Everyone wants to be a son, but not everyone wants to pay the price. Teachers teach, fathers correct with love and urgency. In other ways, fathers raise children, not clones. There are times when you can hear preachers who learned from other preachers that sound just a like (you could almost guess who they sat under without them telling you). Fathers spur sons (and daughters) on in their gifts and callings and revelations from God. Fathers also bring accountability (as my spiritual father says) so you don’t run off and get in a ditch somewhere (meaning a revalational, religious,powerless ditch). The words “Father” and “son” are generational words, and the Kingdom is very generational. And for churches in the Kingdom to be generational, there needs to be fathers and sons. Someone to carry the name (the vision). It’s sad that so many churches close their doors or do a complete 180 in their direction because a new pastor has to be voted in after the previous pastor leaves. Wouldn’t it be great that in those transition times a spiritual son could take over and keep the momentum going and continue to grow that church from glory to glory?
Looking forward to reading more on this. It is not something used in my culture. is this the same as mentor or is there a twist to this that mentor does not carry?
Craig…you might want to check out fathersofthefaith.org where Dave Buehring is leading something called “Conversations with the Fathers of the Faith” in regional gatherings across the U.S.
I think a ’spiritual father’ is very needed in the lives of many in our culture today that do not have proper father figures, and even some that do. It’s good to get a different perspective and someone that you can talk freely and openly about everything with. Too often, this is not a father or grandfather figure.
However, I think we need to keep in mind that it is important to mentor on all levels: practical and spiritual.
If you talk with Rob Bell, I think he would argue there is no such thing as a ’spiritual’ side of things because Everything Is Spiritual
Just some food for thought!
This is great and I look forward to more this week. I look back over my life and see many different Spiritual Fathers that God placed in my path and it is awesome how each of them spoke into my life and modeled for me a true follower of Christ. I confess I do not have that in my life right now and I know that I need it, I actually get a knot in my stomach when I think that I have gone for so long without “ALLOWING” this to be in my life. I need to get out of my way. God is good!!!
Yes, we use the term. My wife and I consider Tony and Jenni Garcia our spiritual mother and father.
I was saved under their ministry and my wife had been mentored by them for about 3 years before I came along. As a boy growing up without a father, Tony has shown me what it truly means to be a man of God.
Honestly its hard to explain the difference between a mentor and spiritual father. I have about 7 people in my life that I would call a mentor but only one spiritual mother and father, it’s a deeper since of connection with the my spiritual parents.
The best way to explain it, would be like the difference between having a brother or sister and your best friend. As close as you and your best friend my be that person would never be a close as you and your sibling (I’m assuming this relationship is good :-)) The best friend can be “as close as” a brother but there is a deeper connection with blood.
That’s how I feel about mentors= the best friend and spiritual fathers/mothers=your sibling.
that’s just my two cents, hope it makes sense
In the Navy, while stationed overseas in Japan, I had many spiritual parents, so to speak, who guided me as a young man, young sailor, and young believer. Most of these folks were American, but one man was Japanese, and I believe he showed me the “old” way of mentoring and guiding.
In our culture, we use the term mentoring more to denote this concept, but it’s something I’ve tried to pass on to my sailors. It’s a great concept, it’s Biblical, and it’s successful!
The church culture I grew up in does use this term. Much like Steve B commented, I did grow up in Charismatic/Pentecostal churches. I think there is a place for it as it can produce valuable learning relationships.
Spiritual father is something I hear a good bit right now. I work at Freedom Valley Worship Center in Gettysburg, PA. I’ve also attended the church since I was little, and the pastor, Gerry Stoltzfoos, is one of my spiritual fathers. I’m fortunate enough to have 2…as well as a wonderful physical father. Gerry preaches on a regular basis about becoming a spiritual parent to those around you. So many people wish they had one…but I think when you start spiritually parenting others, sometimes you find out that God has already put spiritual parents of your own in your life.
I have used this term to describe a godly man the Lord placed in my life, though I’m not sure where I first learned of the concept. He was a picture of God’s love to me during some difficult years in my life, and for many years since then. He taught me so much about what a servant of the Lord should be. He was a consistent, loving influence throughout some very crucial times, He had such an impact on my life, that although we lived in different states he and his wife made the trip so that he could be the one to marry my husband and I. Although I love my natural dad very much, this man provided the spiritual example of what a man of God is like. I would say, without a doubt, having his influence in my life was a major contributor to my going into ministry full time. He has lived his life with integrity and is a great example of how to serve in full time ministry while keeping your family intact, well rounded and healthy. I hope look back at my life, decades from now, and see a legacy that is like the one this man has left. What a blessing!
Some books on the subject:
“The Cry for Spiritual Fathers and Mothers” Larry Kreider;
“Connecting”, by Paul Stanley and J. Robert Clinton;
“Who’s Your Daddy Now?”, by Doug Stringer
Father’s are not mentors imo. Mentors inform. Father’s impart.
I am originally from Puerto Rico and it is a term that I grew up with. Although I don’t have a “Spritual Father”, I do have a “Spiritual Mom”. She is much more than an accountability partner, she is part of my family and is someone that I trust when it comes to spiritual matters. She has played an integral part in my growth and walk with Christ and my love for her run so deep. She is a little older than my own mother (which, by the way, I have a wonderful relationship with) and she is a wonderful example of the Proverbs 31 woman. I wish that this term was more known in the U.S. because there is so much power in sitting at the feet of the wise!
Hello!
In Guatemala is a seldom used term. Nevertheless, here’s a lack of fatherhood in the spiritual/leadership realm of life. I’m an example of that. Although my father is a baptist pastor with more than 50 years of ministry, there are times when I really feel like an orphan. I’ve found guide in some other ministries (often in other countries) through which God had opened my eyes and empowered me to follow the vision that He has gave us.
Peace!
good thought. i never really thought about this not being “heard of” in the body of christ so to hear you admit not to hearing this is surprising and a reminder to never assume things. i believe having a spiritual father can have a significant difference in your growth if you allow the relationship to evolve as should. i will be interested to see your thoughts. i’m sure you’re a spiritual father to many even though it isn’t verbally said.
The term has been used in my bringing in AG circles, not much since then but I do consider great Godly, wise men you give me time and guidance as spiritual fathers.
I have a spiritual father who has been a guide in my life, an encourager, corector, imparter, but most of all a spiritual covering for me. He gives me a connection to a family of believers and a sense of belonging especially when you pastor a non-demoninational church it gives you accountability.
Read a book by Dr. Mark Hamby “You have not many Fathers” it’s the first book I read about the subject and it’s very powerful and anointed. And for those of you who have no “spiritual father” in your life began seeking God as to who you can “submit” yourself to so that increase of spiritual things can take place in your life.
I have served in an African-American church for 5 years. For 2 years as the evangelism pastor, 3 years as the executive pastor. I’m anglo. The term “spiritual father” is used often, especially among preachers.
As I entered the African-American community, I realized I needed to up my game. I had a mentor who I consider a spiritual father, Dr. Daryl Eldridge of http://www.rockbridgeseminary.com. But now, my pastor, Dwight McKissic has become a spiritual father or spiritual big brother to me. Also, the legendary (served with EV Hill, Bill Bright, EK Bailey) Dr. Lloyd C. Blue has become a spiritual father. For example, “Mondays are for mentoring.” I spend 2-3 hours with Blue just telling me, and asking me about life and ministry.
I took the initiative to seek these “spiritual fathers” out. Their influence in my life is not measurable. Why don’t we do this “spiritual fathering” in Anglo settings? One reason is we are not willing to give people the time required to disciple people.
Great topic.
IMHO, I seldom heard that in our church for we believe that it is always God who should take the credit. Although we have men in our church who encourage us to grow more in faith and edify us when we’re somehow down spiritually. However, I think it will be just ok to have a spiritual father as long as you trust Jesus Christ alone more than anybody else.
I concur with the great need for men to father others, in a culture where there are almost no fathers, except in the biological sense. This term found use in the desert period 350-450, and has a strong tradition in orthodoxy. My evangelical friends, however, recite Jesus’ admonition to call no man “father,” MT 23:9 as a reason to avoid this usage. My take is that Jesus, having placed this in a string of “woes” was speaking against the arrogant Pharisees, who placed the relation to their rabbi or father ahead of their relationship to God—much as little boys claim that their big brother will beat you and your big brother up if you don’t do what they want. Are there others who have an answer to MT 23:9 in reference to spiritual fathers?
Love this and the way it has made me think about those whom I would say are spiritual Fathers to me. Thanks for sharing!
I think some of it’s cultural and some denominational. I spiritually grew up in an Indiana United Methodist church where you never heard the term. Now that I’m in an Atlanta AG church, you hear it all the time. While the denominational switch up has left my head spinning at times, it’s definitely one of the things I appreciate. It’s great to be able to call someone your spiritual father or mother, but even cooler when they call you their spiritual son or daughter, especially for those who might not have had great biological parents. Working in youth ministry, I’ve watched a kid’s entire demeanor change when they can affectionately call someone mom or dad…and have them call them son or daughter. Not that it’s the goal, but interesting nonetheless.
Thank you for this article, I need to recognize my spiritual father and I am sorting out what it will look like. We need this, it is not a time for complacency.
Pastor Alan
The term is not used but the idea of a father/son mother/daughter discipling relationship is. For years I’ve had a “Paul/Timothy relationship” with a man who has been a prayer warrior for me and spiritual mentor. Now I have the opportunity to be on the other side of that relationship. One young man is half way through college the other high school but watching them grow spiritually is an awesome thing.
Ralph, what do your friends do with 1st Timothy..1 This letter is from Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus, appointed by the command of God our Savior and Christ Jesus, who gives us hope.
2 I am writing to Timothy, my true son in the faith.
I think the importance of spiritual father’s cannot be understated. As a young senior pastor, “26 to be exact”, the value of meeting with spiritual men and women of God who can help guide you in the right direction is so pivotal to being successful in ministry.
Being allowed to see spiritual father’s mistakes and successes allows the younger minister to learn, sometimes simply by observation.
As Paul said, You have many teachers…but few father’s…
Teacher’s preach a sermon, father’s live the sermon. They don’t teach it, they live it…in the good times and in the bad!
I am from Puerto Rico and I have Spiritual mothers and fathers since my childhood. Here is my commentary based on the Scriptures.
Philippians 1:1-11
I.- The Spiritual Father/Mother intercedes for his son (vv.3-5).
1.- The Spiritual Father remember (has memory)of his son(v. 3).
2.- The Spiritual father/mother have his children included in his/her prayers.(vv.3, 4).
3.- The Spiritual father/mother pray for the spiritual’ growth of their children(v. 5 a).
II.- The Spiritual father/mother encourages the spiritual growth of his children (v. 6).
1.- The Spiritual father/mother stimulates the faith of their children (v. 6).
2.- The Spiritual father/mother reveals to their children the mystery of the transformation’ process of God in every human being (v. 6).
“…that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion …”
3.- The Spiritual Father/mother shares his/her convictions of Faith to their children (v. 6).
III.- The Spiritual father/mother do not neglect his/her responsability as a father/ mother (vv.7-11).
1.- Under no circumstances the Spiritual father/ mother never neglects their children (v. 7).
2.- The Spiritual father/mother demonstrates with their thoughts and acts a legitimate love for their children (v. 8).
3.- The Spiritual father/mother cry out for the christian life’ growth of their children (v. 9).
4.- The Spiritual father/mother prays for their children’s ability to distinguish the good desicions and necessary fidelity that only cames through Jesus Christ (vv.10, 11).
Awesome post Craig. I grew up in movement that I continue to lead in that is very strong in regards to the “family” concept when it comes to ministry. Our values are set in 3 C’s: Community, Cause & Corporation. The community aspect is made effective through powerful relationship building, especially through discipleship. It is true, that many of these people do not have natural fathers or have come from divided families & and have found love in the church family which has produced a powerful loyalty. However, the family aspect remains strong because of the sending churches strong tie to the baby church that is sent out. That church is literally nurtured and cared for as a baby would be until that congregation can get on its feet and walk in its own strength. many of those pastors have continued to rely on each other as time goes on and have found a richness in Christ through their relationship with each other. Very powerful stuff, in my honest opinion.
I have had a spiritual mother. I’m not sure where, exactly, I heard the term from but I will give it to the Lord. I believe it to be wise for everyone to have mentors or a spiritual parent. It is someone that you know holds a deeper walk with the Lord than where you are. THey can guide you and teach you so much as you become a Christian grounded on solid rock. Much like mentors but I think this parent(s) actually has more of an active part in your walk.
I don’t, in any way, think this person takes the place of your parents but they are spiritually guided by your heavenly father to watch over you. I could see where a long term relationship would be beneficial. In my experience, there came a time that my spiritual mother (Elizabeth Dungan) was so called in to ministry that my Heavenly Father (GOD) told me it was time for me to let her go and for me to stand with Him. She will forever be called my spiritual mother… but know it is my God that is my ‘daddy’!
The Eastern Orthodox Church has a long tradition of Spiritual Fathers. I posted a long article just today about The Spiritual father in Orthodox Christianity by Bishop Kallistos Ware. Enjoy! http://frjamescoles.wordpress.com/2009/08/18/the-spiritual-father-in-orthodox-christianity-by-bishop-kallistos-ware/
For anyone who is interested in learning more about spiritual parenthood, Larry Kreider (author of the book “How to fulfill your calling as a spiritual father or mother”) will conduct a seminar on 10/2 & 10/3 at New Life Christian Center (1891 Alton Parkway #C, Irvine, CA 92606)
For more details:
http://www.dcfi.org/Spiritual_Parenting_Sem_List.htm
I do not agree with using the term Spiritual Father and Mother.
To me God is the only Spiritual Father! All other are Spiritual Mentors.
And here is the scripture to back it up. It is in Red so Jesus said it!
Matthew 23:9
And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven.