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Training Your Church
If you don’t train your church what boundaries are appropriate, you likely won’t have many.
If you are the senior pastor, you can set the tone publicly.
I’d suggest a few of the following:
- Publicly communicate when your day off is. Talk about how important that day is to your family.
- At appropriate times, explain the challenges of your schedule. Some people think you only work on Sundays. Explaining some of what you face will create understanding.
- Create some level of screening if possible. Even if you are a solo pastor with no staff, a volunteer could help you with your email or answer phones. Many things you do daily can be handled by capable volunteers. You don’t need to know and do everything.
- Be willing to “go dark” at least once a year. You might explain to the church that you’ll be away with your family and not taking calls for a week. Ask your lay leader to be in charge. I’d suggest you give a phone number to one person who has permission to contact you with only dire emergencies. You need at least one week a year to disconnect.
- Don’t feel pressure to reply to emails instantly. I like all emails returned, won’t be slave to them.
- Protect at least one night a week for dates or family nights. Explain that Monday or Thursday or whatever is the one night you protect. When someone asks for counseling or a wedding rehearsal on that night, don’t do it.
- Be willing to say “no.” As a pastor who loves people, you’ll say “yes” to many invitations. Don’t be afraid to occasionally or often say “no.” Don’t feel pressure to give an explanation. A simple, “No, I’m sorry, but I can’t make it” is enough.
Ministry is a marathon, not a sprint. Set the boundaries that will help you go the distance.
What are your thoughts?
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Well said these are all so true and so important! The refreshing thing about each one of these points is: They are all self-imposed and self-initiated… which means we have the responsibility to make them happen.
I think those are great thoughts…but one of them can be a sticking point for some in your church. #2 is the one that most people don’t really understand…and many view it as complaining or whining that you’re overworked. You have to be really careful how you address that one…because you don’t wanna turn people off either.
I have had people try to make me feel guilty about taking vacations, but as a pastor I need them. Secondly I need to model the importance of rest to my congregation. Pastors, just because some in our congregation are out of balance does not mean we follow their lead. Let’s lead by communicating healthy boundaries first for our own sake and second for their sake.
I have been in ministry just 10 years and here is the one phrase I have come to hate the most. “Well, if you worked at __________ you would have to put in 50-60 hours (or some other shot at your work ethic).”
My standard reply, “I don’t work there.”
I agree 100% with Brandon (#3). If we, as pastors, can not set healthy boundaries in our lives - then we should not expect anyone else to see value in working less to live more.
I have three kids under 6 and I will not let them grow up with a weak dad who was afraid of having people not like him. I want to be able to flourish and succeed in church ministry because the church deserves it. If that means that I have to have the occasional “is this what we pay you for” comment - than so be it. The people making those comments are broken and hurt people who need the grace that comes only from Christ.
Love this blog! I only read two blogs daily and this is #1.
Yeah, I agree. This is a healthy blog. It does for me what no one else does for me: raises questions and provides encouragement for important stuff.
I’m in a season of simplifying. I don’t balance well. I love staying at the church. I’ve been balancing 2 positions for 3 years. I love it, but am presently tired. I’m renewing. But I’ve taken the last 3 weekends and have stayed away from the church unless there was something that pertained to me.
My family is thankful. My wife and I will go on a date tomorrow night. My daughter (8 years old) always make it a topic for statement: “Daddy, are you home tonight?” I’ve decided to stay sold out when I have to but to be off when I have to be off (need to be off). As I look back on the last 10 years or so, I think some of my “busy-ness” is my own fault.
Bob Pierce, Founder of World Vision, lost his family on the altar of ministry.
That’s not happening to me.
Awesome stuff…I am so thankful I get to learn this stuff early…
It’s gonna be uncomfortable, but I too need to set some boundaries.
Praise God that He wants us to rest!
As a pastor, I wonder who ever came up with the idea that we have to be available to people 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. Jesus wasn’t accessible all of the time. I think it is important that we set these boundaries, and I have found that people in your church will understand this, if you will teach on the importance of resting and taking a sabbath rest each week.
I believe the culture of the church determines how people will respond to your set boundaries. Teach and train people underneath you, and then allow them to step into their gift. They may not always do it perfectly, but that’s part of the learning process as well. None of us are where we are at today, without making our fair share of mistakes.
I would rather burn up for God, than burn out for man!
The learning to say “No” thing is huge.
Thank you for the great pointers! These are some great pointers for a new, young, 1st time lead pastor getting his feet wet (yes that would be me). This is definitely the time to be establishing boundaries…
Jesus faced this same issue many times. One in particular strikes me. Jesus heard Lazarus was sick and near death. Instead of allowing Himself to be controlled by other people, He calmly finished His work in His present place, then went to see Lazarus. He was confronted by the words, “If you had been here, our brother would not have died.” The crowd joined in and said that if Jesus would have been there like they wanted He could have kept him from dying. After all, He did so much for others, why not them, they reasoned? Guilt: pure and simple. For me, this says that if I do what the crowd insists, I will be busy doing their will. If I stick with God’s schedule for me, greater things will happen because I am allowing God to direct my steps.
About emailing - I don’t expect instant answers - but I do expect some response (email, phone message) before I see that person on Sunday. Otherwise, it’s a quizzical “did you get my email on this?”
Ministry is a marathon, not a sprint…I like that.
Recently I was turned on to this and another LC blog have begun inputting and paying very close attention to responses or mostly the lack thereof.
I was apart of a certain Monday night men’s LifeGroup for short of three years until a couple of weeks ago. There was a “split” caused over an issue very closely related to this question (Follow the link on my name for more detail if you wish).
A follow member and I were asked to present Scripture and we did. What did we present? Simply doctrine. Why doctrine? Because the group would discuss this book and that book and seek ways to set boundaries or find “practical applications” of Scripture. I saw little actual growth in any one person; that is, if they stayed with the group. Don’t get me wrong here; these men were my best friends.
After tolerating “unity” for unity’s sake (of course in the name of the grace, love, and the Spirit; that’s a given), it was time to address the group’s powerlessness. How can I be so arrogant as to say anyone was powerless? It was evident both in word and deed.
Myth! Myth and opinions! It became clear that these men had become “lactose dependent”. They hadn’t been exposed to anything but milk and they love it. But “by this time [they should] be teachers”, but they remain on milk and “everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child”.
Paul stressed to the overseers (Timothy, Titus, etc) to teach “sound doctrine”. Sound doctrine, the meat, is “solid food” for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.”
Notice Hebrews 5:11-14 does NOT say merely “set boundaries”. It says to move on to maturity leaving the elementary doctrines of Christ.
Why the earlier mentioned “split”? Simply because “lactose dependency” is encouraged.
I have been attending LifeChurch for over four years and receive a steady flow of milk. Fortunately, I sit at the feet other teachers as well. Unfortunately, most LifeChurch’ers don’t. They remain on milk.
“If you don’t train your church what boundaries are appropriate, you likely won’t have many.” It’s more than boundaries; it’s teaching doctrine - sound doctrine. Boundaries are the elementary principles of the faith.
As Paul admonishes, “So then, brothers, stand firm and hold to the traditions that you were taught by us (doctrine), either by our spoken word or by our letter….do not grow weary in doing good. If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed. Do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother.” 2 Thes 2:15 & #:13-15
BTW, has anyone ever noticed just how little Scripture is quoted or used to authenticate and support opinions?
As a church planter just a year into it, this is huge for me. I fight for my family and for my time to stay refreshed and alert. The best thing I did, with great input from other pastors, is do if from the beginning. Even when we started the church I made it clear that my family was always #1 behind God and then the church. It has set the tone of my leadership and people respect it since it has been that way since day one.
“Be willing to “go dark” at least once a year. You might explain to the church that you’ll be away with your family and not taking calls for a week. Ask your lay leader to be in charge. I’d suggest you give a phone number to one person who has permission to contact you with only dire emergencies. You need at least one week a year to disconnect.”
I have heard this said over and over again. These are all helpful things, but it would be even more helpful to me to hear what you all consider “dire emergencies” worth interrupting this time….until we each define that, then it becomes a contextual decision on each occasion which for me tends to end up in to many times giving in and responding.
One of my hardest lessons is realizing I cannot make everyone happy and even more so I can’t waste my time worrying about this fact.
I have to say that I am with BN (#11) here. While I don’t expect “instant” responses to my emails to a minister, I do expect to at least get an acknowledgement within 2-3 days (Unless I get an out of office message saying they are at conference or on vacation). That at least sets the expectation that there is a reason for the delayed response.
And Tim )#4), while you may have your response down to the comment of “I work 50-60 hours a week”, your reply is not acceptable to me. Where is your compassion? It may not be meant that way, but the comment to me comes across as dismissive. How do you think that resonates with the people that you say that to?
I am kind of wondering why you do what you do when you judge people as “broken”. That is sad to me.
Great dialogue overall.
Thanks for listening.
[...] [Repost from April 16, 2009] [...]