Just my two bits worth.

God bless.

The problem happened after I began to face other ministry related issues (we wrestle not against flesh & blood) and I kept trying to Man Up to get through them as a good pastor would. Forgetting (the devil is a roaring Lion, seeking who he may devour) and setting myself up for the ultimate failure.

Not only did I fail, I failed with another female that also had good intentions (to the best of my knowledge) and the net effect from just my side was it destroyed me, my marriage, “my ministry”, my name, and the real shame was it destroyed the work of God in so many people.

I know that you who are beyond failing are already justifying why I must have failed and why you will never fail because you are soooo strong (in God). Many strong men have been slain…

You are the ones closest who feels the safest. You have the farthest to fall and will hit bottom with a loud bang. The question is…is it really worth it?

Why not set up strong barriers (such as Craig so wisely suggested) and if you disagree, disagree to yourself so you do not influence another brother or sister to let down their guard and face the same results as so many others.

I asked God why I failed and he told me…
1. I let my self get physically exhausted (I was Superman)
2. I let myself get mentally exhausted (can you say burnout?)
3. I let myself be in a position where I could fail (if I ever wanted to fail).

Thinking you will never be in a position where you will want to fail is to think you are beyond temptation.

To think you will never fail even if you are tempted is to think you are on the same level as Jesus and that would be foolish of even the greatest of people.

Make no provision for the flesh to fulfill the lust…

I sincerely apologize for letting this get so long, but I do not want a single one of you to face waking up nearly every day for three years and crying my eyes out because I had allowed myself to do what I never thought I was capable of doing.

After 10 years, I now have my wife and family back (thank you God). I have my ministry back and I feel God is using me once again. But, I can NEVER repair the damage I did to the cause of Christ and the lives of those who looked up to me.

The co-worker and I spent a lot of time together, and some were calling her my girlfriend. Hope I didn’t confuse too many people!

I am also bi-vocational and I try to live by my standards at my other job as well. At another city, rumors started swirling around my co-workers about one of my female colleagues and me because we had to spend so much time together with my “girlfriend.”

I bit one guy’s head off by telling him that I was married to my girlfriend, and that I don’t appreciate any joking about such things as adultery. That ended the talk in a hurry.

One time I made the mistake of asking this female colleague if she had plans (I was going to her location to train her on the software we were using.). Her response was, in a seductive voice, “Well, what did you have in mind?” I quickly told her that I don’t joke about things like that, and I’d appreciate it if she didn’t, either.

So you see, this is an issue outside of the church, and it’s hardly an issue only for pastors. People have suggested Jerry Jenkins’ book, “Hedges,” and I can’t recommend it highly enough no matter what you do for a living.

Perhaps our time would be better spent dealing with that most pervasive of sins and getting our holy minds out of the gutter.

I am bi-vocational, and can meet with anyone of any gender at my “other” job, alone, and no one raises an eyebrow. But Christians seem to be the first ones to jump to conclusions. How sad.

In my church, we have a hard and fast rule that follows Matt 5:23 to a T. We work hard to cultivate a “no gossip zone” and so far, it’s working.

If someone in the church goes to another members and says, “I saw xxx alone with yyyy the other day,” that member is faithful to stop the gossiper in their tracks and remind them of the Scripture.

It’s the only church I’ve ever been a part of that has even addressed this. Why are we treating the women of our churches like a dangerous drug? Let’s address the real sin where it lies…in the gossipers.

Being a man in the ministry myself, I must admit temptation comes often when I am most unprepared for. Some of the insights are so true here. Men are relatively more visual while women are relatively more emotional. The idea of an “emotional affair” is not exclusive to women only. There are men who are also involved in secret emotional affairs.

Ladies, thank you for telling us that some of the men’s personal practices here might be interpreted differently from their original intent. However, I would like ask you to pray for us, men, so that we can learn how to do better. Some of the safeguard measures might not be the best, but it is our attempt to protect ourselves, the church, and also the ladies. When some wrote that they will not meet with women alone, my immediate feeling is something like this: “wow, this man know that he is fallible, susceptible to temptation, and thus set up a boundary so as to avoid sin.” Perhaps some of you might think that we men are blaming the ladies. However, as a man myself, I am thinking more on how to set boundary for myself so that I will not sin. (Of course there are, and will be, temptations coming from the opposite sex, however, this can only account for a small percentage of my own personal thought.)

I was studying the book of 1 Corinthians recently. There are who feel nothing when eating food sacrificed to idols and there are those who are deeply troubled by it. Let us bear with one another. In a similar way, please bear with us who, for the sake of our own sinful nature and for the sake of protecting the church, may be regarded by some of you as “weak.” Knowing my own sinful nature, I am willing to be termed “weak” here.

Other professional men, many NOT Christians, manage to meet women alone without seducing them. I really find it hard to believe that Christian men cannot manage it.