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How To Make Sure Your Small Group Ministry Fails
Tons of churches have attempted small groups only to abort shortly after takeoff. I’ll share the top 10 ways to ensure the failure of your group.
Today we’ll cover the first 5 and finish the others tomorrow.
- Make sure the senior pastor isn’t in a group. If small groups aren’t modeled by the pastor, they won’t have much of a chance for success. (Amy and I host two small groups in our home.)
- Make sure the senior pastor doesn’t talk about small groups. If small groups don’t ever find their way into a sermon, it will help reduce the likelihood of success.
- Make sure small groups are not staffed or resourced properly. To guarantee your groups fail, don’t staff them, buy them curriculum, announce them, or get your best volunteers involved.
- Make sure small group leaders aren’t trained. When you do get some small group leaders, don’t train them. Let them figure it out on their own.
- Make sure the church doesn’t address childcare needs. Pretend like all small groups don’t have any child care needs. Don’t open the church one or two nights a week to provide child care. Don’t pay for childcare like I’ve heard North Point does. Ignore childcare needs completely.
Have you seen churches that are handling these issues effectively? If so, how?
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WoW, thanks Craig… I’ve never thought of small groups with all this attached. This is one post I will definatley pass on :)
Small groups are still new to me and these ideas really help me gain perspective on how they do and don’t work! Silly question - what has been the best way for some of you to address childcare needs?
#5 is tricky for us, as a new church we don’t have a church building to open up…so we have tried to handle it creatively. One group meets in a school lounge and the kids play in the gym, other groups either recruit or pay volunteers, and the church covers half the cost, and the group covers the other half. Another group had the parents rotate, so every 6 mtgs you have the kids…
I am curious for other creative ideas you guys may have for a situation like ours.
#3. I remember the day I watched an Elder of a church I was visiting announced that the church was introducing small groups, then handed the responsibility to a volunteer. I thought to myself no matter how talented the volunteer is, the message I just recieved was that small groups were not going to be important enough to get the proper resouces. The adult sunday school had staff, resources and support from the leadership - guess which is no longer around.
#5. Child Care is part of every single discussion we have with new group leaders. Some provide a sitter, rotate the parents through the duty, or just let the kids run around. No matter what we do, we need to plan.
Last spring we “canned” our traditional Wednesday night service for small groups…”gasp!!” that averaged about 15 adults. We started strong with training and growth, however other circumstances left the small group ministry into the hands of the lay leadership that was skeptical about them in the first place. Through time the small groups began to lose momentum, started meeting sporadically and eventually dropped down to where they were before. The last couple months I’ve been transitioning out to begin a new church plant and needless to say, they are bringing Wednesday nights back.
So… #6- Make sure your Small Groups are inconsistent and not a priority.
Both Jarret and Bob mentioned child care issues. I’d love to hear some of the creative things your churches do with kids during groups.
Childcare, childcare, childcare. The biggest influence I have seen, that keeps people from participating, is child care. At some point I wonder how long someone can use that excuse but it’s a natural one. At some point a person has to make a commitment and make “it” happen.
I haven’t seen any of the other points falter.
Our kids attend….during the discussion time they listen and during prayer time they are prayed for and they pray for others…the discussion isn’t a long drawn out time…our groups are for relationship and the kids make relationship too…we tried a group with childcare and it actually was the least attended…our purpose is to provide relationship with families…
We are a new church (just over a year old) and have just launched our small groups. For a small (and portable) church, childcare for small groups was a challenge. We made the decision NOT to get involved with arranging childcare for the groups but did provide some suggestions to the groups as to how to handle it. I believe people will GIVE their money and ADJUST their schedules to those things that are important to them. If we make small groups a priority and can show the value of participation I think people will do what it takes to make it happen.
Small groups are still new to us… only time will tell if this is proved true.
This is one reason we love you Craig. You clearly get it.
mark
Thanks Mark.
I like what Judy said. I know it can be inconvenient and also difficult to discuss intimately at times, but including kids at a small group can actually be pretty cool.
We have kids present at both our groups. On Wednesday nights, we have 18 kids in our house ranging from 3 months old to 15 years old. Although it is not always ideal for uninterrupted discussions or prayers, it does model and include our kids in biblical community.
Childcare is important for young families but I wonder how it was done in the book of Acts when these families were meeting in each others’ homes? The culture was different yes but kids are kids and I’m sure it was an issue then too.
In our church’s case, opening the building up for childcare requires hiring a daycare worker and a whole new set of licenses from the state and city for operating a daycare. Why? Because we are not meeting for church so the service is provided “as a separate service” and not “part of the program during worship”. We are discussing having the groups meet right there at the church but many would like them in home. It’s a catch 22.
For now, I’ve taken Larry Osborne’s rule from “Sticky Church” and allowed each group to handle child care on their own. Truly, if growth and participation matter to each family, then they will make the small group meeting a priority like they do other things in their lives.
I’m open to suggestions but I don’t think the church needs to be in the childcare business.
This is excellent. I am in a small group and #3 & #4 could not be more pertinent! There is not much leadership and sometimes we experience the awkward silence because the leader has either not been trained properly or is not able to leverage the proper tools/curriculum provided by the church.
Ryan - I completely agree with your #6 as well! :)
I have been a member of many small groups and I am thankful that you are able to put into words what I am/have experienced! I look forward to the next five to take this back to my church and brainstorm ways to fill this gap….
We have had successful “Life Groups” for the past three years.
We encourage our groups to include our kids in the music part of the group. Then we put together a “kid box” that includes: age appropriate curriculum, crafts, coloring sheets and crayons, game ideas, etc. It then turns into a Sunday School type of lesson.
We also rotate the people that attend our groups.
It really works for us.
Blessing!
Man… cool stuff!
Chejoo is taking notes and learning a lot!
:)
Thanks Craig! I definitely agree and said an AMEN TO THAT on today’s blog. One of my biggest concerns for the church, as our church is emphasizing small groups for life change in Christ, is the Pastoral Care and Development of small group leaders. I work with youth from 6-12th grade and I oversee 46 small group leaders. One of my greatest concerns is how to care for these leaders, by praying for them, encouraging them, and training them on an ongoing basis without having them LIVE at church (I’m sure you know what I mean). This year we launched the vision of coaches to mentor and train leaders but it has been difficult for them to run and implement the ongoing care. I definitely want to encourage other church leaders to consider a coaching strategy and to really emphasize prayer and encouragement over each small group leader. I have seen God move in mighty ways as we commit ourselves to prayer and encouragement in the body. Although it has been tricky for us to start a coaching layer for small group leaders, its TOTALLY worth it! I would love to know if anyone has any suggestions for coaching resources or advice.
This is SO helpful….and also groups will tend to go well and slack off…just don’t give up…the relationship connection is priceless…you can’t really get to know people at the corporate experience
I think the biggest key here is communication. One thing we added to our Small Group Directory was a little phrase: “All groups are kid friendly unless otherwise specified.” We invited so many people to our group and they would say, “Well, it’s so hard to find a sitter.” Then we explained they could bring their kiddos. (Our group rotates childcare between the Moms who come.) There was an assumption that if the group description didn’t say “childcare provided” parents had to find a sitter; or not participate. Adding that information and communicating it when we invite people has helped our group tremendously!
On a side note, small groups changed our life. We were sparatic attenders until one Sunday when our pastor preached on the importance of small groups. I asked my husband if we could please start attending regularly, and he said yes. My husband never had Christian friends before attending our first small group and was not as comfortable in that setting as myself. The way those guys welcomed him and pursued the frienship made a huge impact on his ability to open up and share with a small group. I still remember the first time the leader of our group asked my husband to close us out in prayer. My heart dropped! He had never prayed out loud in front of a group. I was so proud of him, and I know this never would have happened outside of the small group setting. It’s been almost 5 years since then. WE are now LEADING our third small group. We have already launched a successful group out of ours and are in the process with our second. We owe it to our church for the emphasis placed on small groups, and to that first group of people who welcomed us into their home. I truly believe the best way to consistently grow and be challenged in your walk is to plug into a small group! I am also now on staff, and I know that would not have been possible without the personal growth I experienced in small groups. Small groups changed our personal walk, our marriage, our family and most importantly, the legacy we will leave behind!
I love the idea of having kids there. One tough question - comes from a specific example. Small group meets with a few families, kids are there. One particular family has overly noisy kids who interrupt often and the parents do little about discipline or halting the interruptions. They are new to the faith and I don’t want to discourage them. How do you deal with that? I guess that’s the great thing about small groups, it gives a chance to interact on a more personal, intimate level.
Don’t know if this fits here, but as far as training..our discussion is focused on the weeks talk, what it meant to everyone, how they will apply it to their life..how it has already worked in their life…so it is pretty simple…also we have people that miss the corporate experience and still stay up with what is being taught because they can come to group..sometimes people will “not get it” during the experience and when they hear the discussion the “get it”…
I used to think childcare was a huge issue on our LifeChurch.tv campus here in Stillwater,OK too. Then I realized it wasn’t childcare that was the issue, it was my leadership! There WAS NO “perfect solution” that was going to provide a great childcare solution for every one of our groups. Instead, there was the opportunity to empower, release, and encourage LifeGroup Leaders to create and utilize the best solution for THEIR group! In the end, the innovation that occurred was the best thing for the group!
Here are some things that have been tried, but none of them was the “magic bullet”:
*When we were portable, we worked with a kids gymnastics center and parents could drop their kids off there while they were in their group. Our kids ministry staff and volunteers provided programming, and of course, there was lots of trampoline time!
*We now open our building one night a week for comprehensive programming for kids birth through 12th grade.
*We’ve provided kids coloring sheets and curriculum connected to the topic discussed in groups, so parents of elementary kids can have theirs there in the home, learning the same lesson as the adults.
*The “Let ‘em loose in the upstairs play room” strategy. (I’ve heard of varying success with this plan. haha)
*Small groups can pair up and provide childcare for one another on different nights of the week.
*Groups have met at fast food restaurants with Play areas or the park when it’s nice outside.
*We’ve encouraged group leaders to talk to any of the kids volunteers they appreciate from the weekend and see if they would be interested in watching the kids. The group split the cost, and since many of the volunteers are college students, it was mutually beneficial!
Bottom line, the childcare issue was an open door to lead our leaders and help them feel released to think of themselves and act as the leaders of their group!
Thanks for YOUR leadership, Craig!
Mandi, Thanks so much for sharing your personal story.
Josh, Good question. Maybe some of the others can share from their experience.
Jeff, Thanks for your valuable insight. You guys are getting it done in Stillwater!
love 1 and 2.
But you could have titled 3, 4, and 5 as how to take responsiblity for the ministry of your people off of their shoulders and it would have worked.
What if leaders don’t need more training, they just need more encouragement.
What if a high failing rate is an important part of having great small groups?
what if taking the responsibility for the people of the church’s kids off of their shoulders an on your own only gives them one more reason to later write you off as not meeting their needs down the road?
Just some thoughts.
I’m guessing that churches that use small groups rely on a children’s church of some type to make sure that children are instructed in the Bible? What does a church do that does not have a children’s church hour? Do they rely on ‘coloring pages’,etc for a child’s biblical teaching? (assuming that the parents teach the children at home in a family setting as well)
Ha ha…my church does all but 1&5. I’m the youth pastor for a small church that runs about 250. Our small groups meet once a month on a sunday night. They aren’t utilized correctly & no one is ever trained to lead them, we just have them.
Anyways, the way my church used to handle children. The youth ministry & the children’s pastor were required to stay at the church on that night and babysit. I fought that for 2 years because my students hated it and we wanted to do our own small groups. Now that we are able too our student ministry small groups have flourished. I love small groups and strongly believe in them.
thanks for this post Craig
I see that the discussion is dominated by childcare issues, and for good reason. I have been a part of groups where kids were successful at destroying the depth of conversation and the intimacy of relationships. I believe that childcare provisions are a necessary part of a successful small group strategy.
Yes, sometimes small groups will choose to include their kids, and for good reasons that the group agrees on. But I believe that groups need a simple, church-directed way to establish intimate relationships apart from their kids. Keep it simple!
Josh…interruptions happen lol…(say like Forrest Gump)…and there will almost always be a few roddy kids …it usually works itself out…that family will grow by watching other families….maybe this only works if the mission is relationship…
Childcare is ALWAYS an issue with home-base small groups. I mentioned this yesterday, but I’ll do so again (because I’m pretty pumped about it) - my group is hosting a “kids night” at our group later this month. Ordinarily, our group time is “adults-only” and parents arrange for childcare each week. The whole group is going to develop the curriculum, activities, snacks, etc. Each of us will take responsibility for one of the components of the evening. What I’m most excited about is seeing God use a “kids night” to reveal something more of Himself to the adults. Stephen Covey in “7 Habits…” says the best way to learn something is to teach it. We’ll see!
Craig, I’d love to hear more of your thoughts on training small group leaders. May I humbly suggest we need more focus on this throughout LC.tv?
Child care is definitely a huge priority in meeting the whole need of the family and having a successful small group ministry. As our church has grown, we have continued to morph the child care and small group needs. Here’s been our journey…hope it helps.
1. when the church was 100-200 and we didnt’have a building, we would have child care in one home and the small groups in homes within a few blocks of each other.
2. at around 400 people we offered child care in a facility that we rented during the week and small groups in homes around the facility.
3. at 1800 people we now have children’s programs at our church building in the evenings - three nights a week - and one morning a week. Now, parents can choose what night or day to go to their small group and help during another day or evening children’s program.
The key for us has been the senior pastor, small group pastor and children’s pastor working hand-in-hand on schedule, expectations, vision and goals.
We also schedule small group sessions at ten week intervals with breaks in-between and during the summer the groups are only six weeks. This gives reasonable breaks for all of our volunteers and minimizes turn over. If the groups desire to get together during off times (which they often do) they include their children.
Charlie - Great question! Hopefully I didn’t imply that coloring sheets are our mode of discipleship for kids! :)
How about small groups for kids, too?? Our “childcare” for small groups is actually our children’s discipleship program where kids are put into small groups of their own and grow in their relationship with God through Biblical community - just like mom and dad!
The program is called “KONNECT” and you can find information at http://www.lifekids.tv. One of the four years of curriculum is up and available for free download at open.lifechurch.tv. More is on the way very soon!
Great question, Charlie!
[...] Small Group Ministry Fails - By Craig Groeschel Craig Groeschel from Lifechurch.tv posted this blog about small groups. I am a firm believer in doing small groups in a church and this post is a great [...]
Great post Craig! Two quick points. We handle the childcare issue like someone stated by having the LifeGroup leaders and their group members decide how to handle it. One thing we also do to help is in the front of our catalog is a listing of people who have been certified in childcare, both teens and adults, as a point of reference when looking for child care during small group time. With the economy the way it is, it makes for nice extra money and good care of your child. Point two, we have monthly continuing training for our LifeGroup leaders. We have utilized various resources including ReGroup, “Help! I’m a leader Now What?” and “That’s an interesting Question.” During our training we deal with any interesting issues that may arise during our groups and tackle them on as a team of leaders. Because we realize that our LifeGroup leaders are shepherds we use these meetings to encourage, uplift and give them the resources they need to lead.
For us Childcare is always a question. We range from a neighbors house with a sitter, to a sitter in the basement of the same house.
Many of our groups also include kids at the beginning for the Bible story. (We all story God’s word in all our groups) This becomes an amazing time of kids and Parents interacting with God’s Word together. Humbling for us parents, and challenging.
Josh asked about the distracting kids. Discipleship happens as we enter into these deeper waters with each other. We are constantly encouraging our leaders to go there with the parents. I will even go with you to have that conversation or model it for you as a group leader. I would say, we need to learn how to have those conversations without alienating or making people more insecure than they already are…my guess is they already know that they are the best parents and would love you to come along side them. ????
I would also say the hardest part for us, is #3 and #4. These are the areas that we are constantly being challenged to improve on.
Love this conversation…!!
oops…sorry. I meant that these parents know that they ARE NOT the best parents. My bad :)
#5 - Our church has a Bible School and we have a lot of students that come to our small groups and they have each offered to rotate taking turns doing the child care. This has been wonderful as it is filling a need and giving our students an opportunity to get involved in a children’s ministry.
Craig, I am curious what your thoughts are about using your small groups primarily as an outreach tool. We are doing that right now and we have high highs and low lows. Thanks for the posts.
Brien, asked, “Craig, I am curious what your thoughts are about using your small groups primarily as an outreach tool. We are doing that right now and we have high highs and low lows.”
How many of you have seen success in using small groups for evangelism?
I really like what my sister and brother in-law do at their church. They have couples over on Friday for dinner. These couples have children about the same age as their own. They all eat dinner together and involve the children, and then the kids do something together like watch a movie, while the parents have time to build community together.
Sometimes, one of the couples will be the baby-sitters with the kids if there is an activity to participate in rather than a movie to watch.
Pros: Acts 2:42ish (eating, praying, doctrine, etc)
Cons: Makes for a longer event with dinner and discussion; not always easy to keep kids entertained; not always fun to be the baby-sitting couple if need be.
Conclusion: Relationships take work - there is give and take, and if everyone knows going in that it won’t be some unrealistic surreal experience, it’s easier to reap the reward and benefits of doing life together.
Craig
Wanted to know if you saw the Wretched TV(Todd Friel) show where he uses your sermon with another preacher who is word for word repeating a story about VBS etc. Could you address the authenticity of this and do you sell your sermons? What is IT really all about???
Our church is still small. Most of us have come from churches where small groups were done with varying degrees of success. Our current small group study involves “Under the Overpass” by Mike Yankowsi. Since we also found ourselves with a homeless ministry, it works because it is something we are all passionate about. The childcare situation works out because most of us have small kids. We simply take turns watching the kids. I suppose our approach to small group ministry is the same as any of our ministries, which is to lead by serving. (Sorry, I’m rambling.) Saw you at Catalyst One Day. I may have to send Tim Keller a “Dear John” letter letting him know that he’s got some competition in the “Mega Church pastors whose message I’m digging the most” category.
Travis,
Craig does not sell his sermons. The sermons and series resources are available free at http://open.lifechurch.tv.
Craig,
I want to believe your sermons are true 1st person experiances of Craig. Now that I have a question where I never had a question before. The TV show Wreched had Craig and another preacher giving the same sermon word for word. Who is telling the truth? I want to be able to trust that Craig is subbmitted to God and His word for the messages I enjoy watching. I understand that ya’ll give away your resources and sermons.
travis,
my advice, stop watching wretched. it’s not helpful in building the kingdom. It’s the worst kind of fundamentalism and look to a very narrow view of orthodoxy. very very narrow.
just my thoughts.
Jeff,
Thanks for the info!
Travis,
You’re question is off topic for this thread as well as the other thread you posted to this weekend. I’ll go ahead and respond here so that we can move past this discussion and get back on topic.
I’ve not seen the show you are talking about and I don’t really have the desire to watch it. It sounds like from your comments that someone has used an illustration/story/message that Craig has used in one of his previous messages. As Tom stated, we make all of our messages available for free for other pastors to use without requiring any attribution (credit). We don’t include dates on OPEN, but you can see all of the dates of release of our messages for the last couple of years on our podcast on iTunes.
I can assure you that Craig does not teach other pastors’ messages word for word as you are questioning in your comments. When Craig has used content from another communicator he gives credit to that communicator. For example, the series “How to be rich” was used and adapted from Andy Stanley. Andy was asked for permission in advance and clearly given credit throughout the series.
Now, if I seem a bit defensive…it’s because I am. I don’t want this blog to become a forum for accusations towards others or attempts to put pastors against pastors. It’s simply not a productive use of our time.
Well said, Bobby.
Great posts — i would also add “Dont’ explain how group life in part of the overall spiritual growth strategy of the church” — As to childcare, ideas from churches I have encountered. 1) Sister groups watch kids for each other so that we cover your kids wehn you meet and visa versa, 2) bring the kids every third meeting and hire a sitter to engage them in an activity in another room 3) Get a sitter at home for 1 meeting a month like you woule on a date night, 4) name reality and lover expectations for when kids are present, 5) duct tape is great. :) - Bill
I do not 100% understand #2? In particular, ” .. If small groups don’t ever find their way into a sermon ..”, does it mean the Sunday sermon paves the way for small group discussion? Or what? Thanks!
Child care? For us it has not been that bit of an issue. We place the responsibility on the parents to figure it out. Hey, they make arrangements for their children when they go out on Friday nights or for othe events. It’s amazing how creative parents can get when the responsibility is theirs. If small groups are important enough for them, they figure it out among themselves. That’s what (currently) works for us.
Childcare…we have struggled back and forth on this issue and finally landed on incoporating childcare for our community groups in our budget. We basically set out a minimum of $15 for 2 hours per group. Some groups require more than one childcare worker so they are asked to cover the difference. Also some groups share childcare workers particularly at the church building. In other words some groups will schedule their meeting time to coincide and then meet in locations that are in proximity to the church building. I would also suggest that on a given night there are many, many church buildings sitting dark and empty and would be available for use. If you are in the Tulsa area I would offer our building for childcare if necessary just send me a message (of course not every night is available).
As for outreach…we certainly encourage people to invite friends to Community Group as an outreach but it usually depends on the personality of the person you are asking. Will they feel comfortable with the more intimate group setting? Our mission for Community Groups is Connecting with God, Connecting with Others…so they have more of a discipleship focus which can be a little more uncomfortable especially for someone not familiar with the whole church thing. Bottom line, people have to be personally invited and they will connect with whatever they feel most comfortable and alot of that comes through training.
Can I recommend a great book on small groups?
“Sticky Church” by Larry Osborne. It’s on sermon based small groups and is a must read for anyone wanting to build relationships through small groups.
See you tomorrow.
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The childcare issue is something I am currently wrestling with in my new position leading women’s small groups. We operate a “free-market” small group system with groups meeting all over town at all different times and all different topics which leads to “free-market” childcare, i.e., the leader/group decides whether, if at all, to offer childcare and how to do so. However, as I am delving into this subject, the shortcomings of this approach are obvious.
First, it is a fallacy to assume that “if someone really wants to atted a small group, they will figure it out.” There are plenty of single moms and dads who want and need to attend a small group who either don’t have the babysitting personnel or economic resources to do so. If “they’ll figure it out” is the rule, then we have decide in advance to exclude those who often need a small group the most.
Secondly,speaking from personal experience, relying on the host of the small group to provide the home, the leadership, the coffee, the snacks, AND have a passel of kids in their home each week is a tall order. Offering childcare in your home on a weekly basis is akin to hosting a toddler birthday party every week. Weekly, there are broken toys and soiled carpet. So, add the cost of replacing toys (or hiding them before the group begins)and the invariable arguments between parents about “appropriate videos” and the cost of cleaning the carpet all means that home-based childcare is not a sustainable solution.
So, I’m exploring the idea of church-facility-based solutions. Can someone reference a successful model for providing small group childcare at a church facility and the specifics of the model? Thanks!
Al
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Craig. Another great post brotha. We started cell groups in our church about 5 years ago and now we have 51 cell groups in our city that possess a strong evangelistic focus. Our goal is to present Christ in a very personal way by mobilizing our people to use their homes as evangelistic centers where people can experience Christ in a very warm but purposeful setting. Our thoughts are that people may feel more open to the gospel in their friends home than in a church setting. We also ask each cell group to mobilize their neighborhood through home visitation. Many great opportunities for prayer are available to us as we go. The results are that they have worked wonderfully for us and we want to continue to position ourselves through cell group life. I have personally been involved in cell groups for over 15 years and I cannot think of a better way to reach, develop and train people. Today I pastor our church and have a cell group on Thursday mornings that is focused on prayer. We get about 25 people in our home every week. We pray and then we read a little and then we drink a bunch of coffee because its at 5:30 am. Then people go to work.
Man keep up the good work.
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Andrew asked, “I do not 100% understand #2? In particular, ” .. If small groups don’t ever find their way into a sermon ..”, does it mean the Sunday sermon paves the way for small group discussion? Or what?”
Andrew, I was trying to show that if the pastor talks about small groups regularly, it will show value to groups and community. Because our groups are so important to me, it is natural for me to use stories about my small group in sermons. It is another “push on the flywheel.”
[...] with yesterday’s theme, here are five more ways ways to reduce the possibility of a successful small group [...]
Gina,
It’s NOT a fallacy to to believe that parents can figure this out. Like I said in my post - it WORKS at the church I pastor. When you figure out your “facility based solutions” - and get a workable solution for your context - then let us know how your plan is working.
BTW, 60% of our congregation is in small groups. Not too bad for a fallacy.
Great post. Our Vineyard has about 800 adults attending and at least 50% attend small groups. The small group pastor is getting ready to training new leaders and do a promotion of small groups. I personally lead two groups one for men called REAL Men RoCK and the other is an open group in our small town of Louisburg, KS. http://vineyardlouisburg.blogspot.com.
Thanks again for the things you mentioned.
Training. Leaders. What does that entail for everyone’s church? It seems we’re sorely lacking in the training area of our small group leaders - many of them jump in to lead and are floundering. I don’t necessarily believe that a high failure rate is necessary. As for childcare; we’ve been part of small groups where having the young kids around has been fine, but other times when there’s that one family with the kids that don’t behave (read: screaming like banshees through the house) who drive everyone else away…
GINA/AL - I have to wholeheartedly agree with you. No, not everyone has the resources or ability to “figure it out.” And as a host for years now, some of those years with children attending, you are dead-on when you say (speaking from a mom/homemaker’s point of view here) that it’s like having a birthday party in your home every week and the majority of the time is not conducive to deep discussion or delving deeper/more personally with our group members. Moms are stressed, dads get ticked, the host pulls out the Resolve carpet cleaner…
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Ron: I’m sorry I was unclear about the “fallacy” statement. The fallacy is that a “one size fits all” childcare strategy is completely effective. There is no fallacy with regards to the value of small groups. Congrats on the great participation.
Yes, there are some parents/families/homes that can “figure it out”, but I believe that if that is the only strategy a church offers for childcare, we are deciding in advance to exclude those that can’t “just figure it out”. And, more than likely, those are exactly the parents/moms/dads who need the fellowship/teaching/encouragment of a small group.
My passion for and belief in small groups runs deep as we currently have over 800 small groups. However, few of them have found a successful, sustainable solution to childcare issue. I’m simply saying that in the just “figuring it out” strategy should not be the only strategy for childcare and, as a leader in the women’s small groups area, I’m seeking other, sustainable solutions.
Gina,
Well said. Thank you for the clarification. You’re response was very gracious.
Here are a few of the creative ways we handle the child care issue for our small groups. I hope this helps.
1. FOR COUPLES GROUPS - Let’s suppose six couples want to small group together. That’s twelve adults and approx 12 kids – too many people for one house. The kids will be climbing the curtains and getting in fights. The solution? One couple volunteers to open their home as the baby sitting site this week. All the parents drop the kids off there and go the small group site. Next week another couple volunteers to take the kids in their home. Rotate it through the group each week.
• The child care issue becomes a shared responsibility of all the parents.
• On the night of the meeting you now have two groups taking place (one for adults and one for kids).
• Child care is organic, (provided by trusted friends – like an extended family of cousins, aunts, and uncles), rather than institutional (being provided by “the church”).
2. GENDER SPECIFIC GROUPS - We have a few mens groups on one night and ladies groups on other nights. Parents trade out baby sitting. When dad is in his group, mom stays home to baby sit. On the night mom is in her group, dad stays home to baby sit. This is a perfect solution for those looking for gender specific groups. In fact, we have more of these type of groups than any other.
3. STAY AT HOME MOMS – can meet in the day time when the kids are in school.
In our experience, couples groups (with small children) are the hardest to administrate. It is a very stressful time in a family’s life cycle. So we haven’t ruled out using a facility based option some time in the future. But since “the church” already provides nursery and child care on weekends and for seminars, we feel that’s enough. Right now, these and other options are currently effective for us.
When looking for solutions, we think organic (as much as possible) rather than institutional.
Your church has 800 small groups? That is amazing! I’m sure there’s a lot that I could learn from you.
[...] that, as a whole church, we fail to have a good small groups.” Fortunately, someone compiled two lists of great ways to make sure your small groups fail. Boy, people really think of everything [...]
I am reading this thread as I prepare to go for an overnight planning retreat with our elder responsible for small groups and the other gentleman coordinating with me. I have been doing this in a 300 person church for almost five years.
Childcare is really important. We actually have our host homes submit a questionnaire and broadcast things like food, childcare and meeting time options to the body so everyone is on the same page. One big issue we see with childcare is that people without young kids don’t want to do it. Most of our groups have childred present for singing and then those under six go play with a parent rotaing serving.
Another way to make sure small groups fail is to make sure everyone segregates - old people alone, young famlies alone, college kids alone. I have yet to see any Biblical support for these types of groups. The Bible is clear that we being many are one body. Effective groups have to include a cross section of the church, not just people who look like you. We do have ladies things and mens things, but the core small groups at our church are intended to be broadly based.
I appreciated Gina’s thoughts. We try to be as candid as possible with host homes about what it’s like. We help them with meal and childcare rotation ideas. The wear and tear on their home is just one more crown they will get and lay before the throne. It’s helpful to remember that the house is the Lord’s and so is the carpet stain, the scuffed wall, etc.
We actually did a surveymonkey of our church and as it turns out, most people like their small group but do not see it as essential to their daily walk with the Lord. We have a lot more work to do, and I think it boils down to #3 and #4. We need the right hearts inside the right leaders to actively engage their small group seven day a week, not only for two hours on a Sunday afternoon.
Here are some questions: First, what about the mom anddad that have multiple babies. My wife and I have a one year old and a newborn. Several of the folks who will be in our group also have newborns. How does a childcare worker deal with newborns and older kids at the same time?
Another Q: I am a youth pastor. We are giving the small group thing a go for this summer as a trial run. We have many students whose parents don’t go to church, thus they would not be in a small group. What should I do with them. I want them to be a part of teh rest of the body and come to an adult meeting, but practially speaking, I doubt many of them will go for it. How do I sell that to them? Or should I just do different groups with them?
I have experienced working in small groups in youth minstry, and in women’s ministry, and I remember having to struggle to make sure these ministries were operating effectivly. We did not receive much assistance from the Senior Pastor. Most often we had to purchase materials ourselves.I find that if it wasn’t important to the leadership then it is likely that it will translate as unimportant to the congregation. Training was not a priority, there were times when we just to go and find the help we needed.
You know it’s different if the church just doesn’t have the finances or the manpower, I believe that encouragement can go a long way.
Hi we found running seperate sex groups is fantastic fro childcare and meeting specific needs in the groups. Our Ladies meet in small groups with trained leaders every monday (this is dad’s special night with his kids)and Our men meet every Tuesday (this is mum’s night with the kids) we try to ensure nothing else is in the programme for these two nights to help promote the family and then ensure we have regular attendance for our groups. This helps in so many areas to meeting needs of different sexes, not worring about giving the opposite sex lifts home espically if there partner is unsaved. The men espcially need more time to make stronger connections and this seems to take more time so they can’t hide behind there wives to do all the talking for the. For us this is the best way forward and helped beyond words.
For all those people who denied the need for childcare, remember that there are people with special needs children out there who can’t just take their children to their grandparents for small group each Sunday night. Really, I wish I could. I would love to, but they just can’t keep up with her hyperactivity like her buddy at church can.
On the other hand, childcare doesn’t have to be professionally based at the church. Do it organically: choose small groups with teens who can watch the smaller kids, and including them in prayer as part of the group sounds like a great idea. But know that parents without any one to watch their kids or having to leave them at home with a babysitter who is paid $15 an hour can be frustrating. Should they be devoted to it, yes. But then think whether or not they should meeting that need on their own, or someone in the church should be helping them meet that need, which is actually the question being debated.
This is my first time on your blog. I love the post and the thread, particularly the stuff about childcare. I am about to lead our church into an effort to launch small groups at http://eaglelifechurch.org. We have been looking for the magic bullet and this thread helps me get my mind around using a variety of solutions and not just one.