categories: Uncategorized, church, communication, leadership, personal, preaching, spiritual development
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Try Not To Step Across the Line
When bringing you, authenticity is crucial.
Everything you say must be true. But everything that is true doesn’t need to be said.
- If you or your spouse is uncomfortable about sharing something too personal—don’t.
- If you might make someone look bad, don’t share it.
- If your challenge is “too fresh,” you might allow some time to pass before sharing it.
- If you are going to tell a story about someone in the church, get their permission first.
- If you are telling a story about someone else that would be upset if they find out, don’t tell the story. (Even if you don’t use their names, it is amazing how small the world is and what people hear.)
In today’s world, the things you say tend to live forever.
Have you ever said too much?
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Great advice Craig! As a pastor you/I know that one of our favorite illustration places is our family. I learned early on to check with them first before I tell a story on them. Advice #3 is also excellent. I was once visiting a church and the associate spoke after being asked to resign that week. It was not a pretty site and that church still has not recovered. I just learned a lesson on that last one. I told a story that happened over 30 years ago to a couple from one of the churches I pastored (about tithing). I just received an email from someone (after 30 + years)from that church who listened to a sermon online and wrote to thank me. I will never again mention a name. I cringe to think what could have been and how embarrassing that could have been. Thanks for the fresh warning.
Thank you again for good advice! Just a few days ago I spoke with a group of young leaders in our church here in Sweden about the value of authenticity. One of them raised a good question I couldn’t answer in a good way: How do we share our faults and sins without creating a legitimate excuse for our people to sin? Even if we just want to real and share our struggles we can sometimes excuse our own behaviour with “at least I’m not worse than my pastor”. I’ve been down that road and used that excuse myself (sorry to say) so I don’t want to be made into an excuse for someone else. What’s your take on that?
Oh yes… i’ve said too much…
Have I ever said TOO Much? …NEVER! LOL!!! (whatever) haven’t we all been there….ooops…foot in mouth…..why do we say “foot in mouth?” strange….
Words are POWER contained (like fireworks they can be duds, beautiful or a disaster when released)….If you throw a rock in the water it ripples out…words do the same thing….we need to be aware that we DO have a Say in what we THINK and SAY… Great POST!
I’ve really said too much. Thanks for this wise post. I needed it.
Craig,
I think that is great advice. I started realizing that if I was going to make fun of anyone it would be me. Most people like that. Do people look around for your wife when you tell stories about your family?
Nice balance…..
Great wisdom here… As I mentioned early this week, when in doubt, always proceed with caution. There needs to be an element of authenticity without being sloppy.
I’ve found that sometimes, even if I don’t think it makes someone look bad, they may have a completely different outlook on the situation.
The other things to consider is once something is out there, we can’t take it back. When we have said too much, we must be authentic in our apology and seek to make things right with that person, as difficult as it may be. I’ve been there…
I often find that it is so easy for me to get caught up in “gossip” with the justification that I am “telling the truth.” In reality, the truth that I am telling could still be very hurtful to that person if they found out I was telling someone else. This post is a huge help for me as I am very consciously trying to development the core value of integrity.
As a preacher I ask this question weekly, sometimes I fear too weakly.
It is VERY important to guard what you say, even in the name of “prayer requests”! Good advice!
I have looked down from the platform at my wife and knew that I blew it by telling too much in a story. I have worked hard not to make that mistake again because of the consequences of that mistake.
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Not sharing “something too fresh” is terrific advice, Craig. I found this out during a message, when I tried to use an illustration of something that had recently happened. It had stung and I thought I was OK with it so I used it in an illustration. When I did, my mind began rehashing the entire episode and I got upset. I held it together fine, but I knew my spirit was not alright yet with it. So, it was a good barometer. I spent more time letting God heal that hurt with the end result being a total absence of hurt or pain now. It forced me to deal with it and totally release it. Great post Craig and thanks!
Have I said too much? Yes. Ouch. Thanks.
of course ive said too much…and when i realized i already said too much, i want to try to fix it in the same setting which requires more talking and i start to dig myself in a deeper hole… then i get the awkward stare that says…dude, shut up. thats when i get the hint and just walk away… lol
Oh, Have I ever!
Ok, this is a little too late! I just preached in “big church” and I am a youth pastor. I used my sister-in-law for an illustration (which is not too bad since she is 14 hours away) and I felt just fine doing so. However, the sermon is posted on youtube and now on facebook. SO, I am waiting for Carmen (my sister-in-law) to call me. Should I call her and tell her? It is about her divorce. It was not bad, but she may take it the wrong way.
Hi Jacob,
Yes, you should call her, I have to say. Especially if you shared anything in the sermon that could identify her. That is at least what I would feel obligated to do. Blessings!
I have said to much many times. I find it happens the most when I’ve not spent enough preparation time during the week. I now try to always seek permission before sharing. Thanks Craig, for bringing this topic.
I like this Craig: “Everything you say must be true. But everything that is true doesn’t need to be said.” I’m storing this into the file of “use later” and I will give credit.
Craig
Wanted to know if you saw the Wretched TV(Todd Friel) show where he uses your sermon with another preacher who is word for word repeating a story about VBS etc. Could you address the authenticity of this and do you sell your sermons? What is IT really all about???
Travis,
Craig is busy preaching this weekend, but I think I can answer your comment. I’m pretty sure Craig has not watched the show you are talking about.
We don’t sell messages, but instead all of the messages available for free to other pastors and church leaders.
Sharing things that are “too fresh”! Great advice.
I’m the chief of speaking when it’s too fresh. I did it again this week while talking with a friend… When others don’t hear or see what you are talking about it can crush your spirit.
I have said too much in the past and paid the price. I appreciate your profound words. They are words we can all live by.
I think this is a great conversation…I’ve asked the same questions about how we as pastor’s have to vulnerable and honest to accountability, while being careful not to hurt the people who our stories are about or those we minister to.
needed this advice a few days ago.