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The Pastors’ People Pleasing Traps
Proverbs 29:25 says, “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.”
The Hebrew word translated as trap is the word, “mowqesh” (pronounced mo-kashe’). It is a noose used for catching animals or a hook for the nose. Some of us are trapped into pleasing people more than God.
I see three common traps.
- “I will compromise for you” trap. Instead of doing what God leads us to do, we’ll often compromise and do what people expect us to do.
- “I will over-commit for you” trap. Because we want to please people, we’ll often say “yes” to way too many things.
- “I will let you limit my ministry” trap. People’s opinions can talk us out of taking a step of faith. Critics can distract us from God’s mission. The more God blesses our ministry, the more comfortable we’ll have to become moving forward in the middle of mixed opinions.
Are you caught in any of these traps?
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One I am guilty of (and it may actually fit under #2) is “I will set unrealistic expectations” trap. Setting precedents for work that cannot be sustained over a long period of time. Then when the pastor tries to change his approach to ministry, all “you-know-what” breaks loose. Count me in on that one and hopefully never again.
Bill, I am very guilty of the unrealistic expectations as well.
#3 is one I constantly battle. I do feel like though that God has given me a great deal of confidence that I am leading in the direction he wants us to go in our local church.
I am bi vocational and have to please people at work. I handle marketing and sales. But I guess I have to switch gears when leading and directing our church and remember that in the church the customer/attendee is NOT always right. God is always right.
Oh #2, so often I have been trapped by you! I am getting better at it, the post from a week or so ago about redefining relationships was a big help.
#1 & #3 aren’t that big for me now that I am personally clear about who God made to be and what He has called me to do. But #2 always seems to sneak up and get me.
#2 is the big one for me. I think small churches are the worst for this one. When you don’t have a staff everyone looks to you for everything. You have to say yes or it doesn’t get done. Yes to people, yes to projects, yes to programs, events and meetings. If you happen to say no, everyone looks at you like you’ve just killed the family pet.
I was looking at the calendar the other day and noticed that it is really starting to fill up. I can see #2 (common traps from the post :)) becoming a problem real soon. I think I am going to have to practice saying NO.
Good stuff Craig. I would say that for me the tendency is to compromise. Not compromise the gospel but more how and when I present something sharp from the gospel.
No. 3 resonates with me as I’ve been studying Deuteronomy 1 a lot lately. Israel got so distracted by the naysayers that it cost them 40 years and a generation. I wonder what God wants to do that we are not entering into because we are listening to voices contrary to the promises of God.
Craig,
We are right in the middle of this. We did a series that ticked off a family, and when I didn’t bow down to their wishes they made a spectacle of it and have even gone as far as trying to get us kicked out of the school we are using. I have a meeting with the school in an hour, pray for me. We are following God, not people.
Rusty, I feel for you. Praying for you today.
Rusty, I just prayed for you!
One passage I have come back to time and again is Philippians 1:10 -
“Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Brian L.
Praying for you Rusty!
I’ve seen our church grow (double) in the past nine months, after many years of stagnation. I believe a key factor is that our pastor has stepped it up to see God’s will done in spite of what the people would say or do. Once the clarity of God’s call was there and he stepped into the being and doing of that calling, God was there to do His part. Sometimes the cost of ‘people pleasing’ can be souls. I have a lot of respect for him. I am very proud of you Pastor Clif!!!
Hi Craig,
I had to resign because of a this exactly a month ago. It took a couple of years to come to a head, but finally it did and I am so relieved and sick at the same time. I’m looking for a job now, but I can lead without chains and I can trust the Lord without feeling sick to my stomach. I was the worship pastor by the way. It’s all good though because…..”whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.” This post is truth…thanks for sharing it. It’s obvious that you LEAD.
Lily, It is great to hear about Pastor Clif’s obedience and God’s blessings!
Eric, I pray (and know) God will lead you to the right place of ministry.
Very true stuff. Over the last 3 1/2 years I’ve had to deal with all 3. Protecting the vision and knowing what God has called you to do is critical. People continually try and turn things in a direction they want it to go instead of the direction that God is leading you. I’ve had to dig in my heals and say no even when it meant people were going to leave, but if I had let them have their way, we would be completely irrevelant now in what we’re doing. We’ve grown around 800% in the last year and a half. We’ve had around 40 salvations just this year alone and the majority of the people we have coming were either not saved or not in church a year ago. We didn’t grow by getting members from other churches. There were several times when we were smaller when we were under intense pressure from people to do something different and I was tempted to say yes since I couldn’t refute their argument that it wasn’t working (yet). Sometimes we have to be faithful through the dark times to get to where God wants us to be. Sorry for the long post.
thanks for your encouragement! I shared this with our ministry staff today at c3church.