Guest Blog: Brian Kruckenberg
Everything communicates something.
When I was in grad school, my thesis project involved studying the impact that nonverbal communication has in the courtroom. Everything I observed firsthand in the courtroom and later talked to jurors about revealed that nonverbal factors in the courtroom have an enormous impact on the outcome of a case, almost as much as the words spoken and the evidence presented. The demeanor and dress of the attorneys and the parties in the case “speak” first and most often. Does he look guilty or innocent? How fast does she talk? What do his eyes do when he answers a question? Is the defendant’s suit nice…but not too nice? How does the attorney look at the judge? Does it look like they played 18 holes together yesterday? I later practiced law and, from what I experienced and from what more experienced attorneys told me, jurors are like communication sponges looking for messages to soak-up. Maybe Sting captured it best when he sang “every breathe you take; every move you make; every bond you break; every step you take, I’ll be watching you.”
Whether we are always aware of it or not, there is no denying that “everything communicates something.” You can take this one principle and apply it everywhere in life. Your marriage, your relationship with your kids, your staff meetings, your church services … you get the point. People are watching what you do and if you are a Christ-follower the magnifying lens is even more intense. What can we do? When it comes to interpersonal communication, be authentic. Your actions better send the same message as your words and beliefs. Organizationally, do everything you can to be intentional about everything you do. Every piece of communication should have an intended message and if you take that too lightly, then you’ll be at the mercy of your audience, with all of their preconceived ideas and experiences that shape the way they receive communication. Can we control every aspect of the communication process? No. But, if we take too lightly the fact that everything communicates something then you may discover the hard way another foundational principle of communication: communication is irreversible. More on that later.
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I love that you bolded the word authentic because we can choreograph every move we make but if it is not who we truly are then we would be better off with a few mistakes and looking a little nervous than being fake.
reminds me of Marshall McLuhan’s famous quote, “The medium is the message.”
from wikipedia:
“The medium is the message” is a phrase coined by Marshall McLuhan meaning that the form of a medium imbeds itself in the message, creating a symbiotic relationship by which the medium influences how the message is perceived, creating subtle change over time. The phrase was introduced in his most widely known book, Understanding Media: The Extensions of Man, published in 1964.[1] McLuhan proposes that media themselves, not the content they carry, should be the focus of study; he said that a medium affects the society in which it plays a role not only by the content delivered over the medium, but by the characteristics of the medium itself.
more here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_medium_is_the_message
good stuff Brian.
Years ago i experimented with different styles as i taught Sunday mornings. One time i paced a lot on the stage as i spoke. Some people i asked later didn’t like it at all. Others did. Another time i just stood still behind the podium. Yet another time i walked up and down the aisles as i talked. One time i just sat on a stool. It was interesting to get the different responses from different people. Bottom line: I decided to just mix it up. Just do what i felt comfortable with at the time. I guess that’s part of being authentic?
Brian - thanks for the great post. In one sense it is incredibly humbling that people look to their pastors and leaders and watch them so closely. If our private life and devotion to Christ is strong, others will be able to watch us and be inspired in some way. In another sense, that is really scary. No one is perfect. Things said or done can be misinterpreted. That’s just part of the dance. If we do what Brian suggests; be authentic and intentional - hopefully our words and actions will be used by God to help others.
Chris - You’re spot on. Better to be real and make some mistakes than fake it. When we do make a mistake, we get to model God’s grace :). That gives us all a bit more hope.
By the way, Brian is a great communications consultant. For three years he helped me say almost everything I said that was good :). Buy him a tall americano and you can get a great consultant too - all for $2.10. Thanks Brian.
Chris,great point…authenticity is a fundamental principle to effective communication. When I listen to or watch a message I first want to know if I can “believe” the speaker. If the message isn’t true to who the speaker is, they are sunk.
riddle - thanks for the futher insight.
Scott - miss our tall americano (with an extra shot) discussions. thanks for the kind words.
That’s a great post Brian..
J. Vernon McGee once told a young man who he was witnessing (who was hostile), that he was a preacher…
The young man said “don’t call me that, I ain’t no preacher..”
McGee said… oh yes you are, everyone is preaching some kind of message by their lives, the way they look, who they hang out with etc…
You know I have also experienced that sometimes we can make assumptions incorrectly though based on some of those things… the fact that innocent people can go to jail because to a jury they “looked” guilty… is one case…
I think we need to make every attempt to at least be consistent… in our verbal, and our non verbal communication… because everyone is a preacher…after all
Avery - couldn’t agree with you more. As Christ-followers, our lives should be preaching the message of Christ. We as the church often don’t do well at that. But, I do see more and more churches encouraging their people to live missional lives and to love like Jesus did…that is exciting stuff!
I love reading these posts. They are all so informative…
I would like to share an experience I had just yesterday. I am a Christian woman, I do my best to stand out as a Christian. I was given a t-shirt from my brother who does tattoos, I wear this shirt sometimes(it has a skull with wings and a bow on the front). Yesterday, I stepped into a well known Christian supply store with this t-shirt on. As you can imagine, there were some that didnt care what was pasted on my shirt but, there was one that didnt seem to trust that I was who I was at the register. I was held up by the cashier as she yelled to the other cashier asking what she needed to do with my form of payment (20 dollar purchase with a debit card). After supplying this cashier with other forms of identification they let me pass.
I’m dont want to express the possibility of feeling sorry for myself, but only wanting to make a point that people can choose to see people as they present themselves or we can choose to ask Jesus how we should see people. Not saying that we are to loose our sensibilities but, to really see what are role is in someones life.