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Moral Margin
The other day, a single guy asked me, “How much can I do with a girlfriend without it being sin?” In other words, he wondered how close he could get to the line.
In ministry, I am afraid too many of us are too close to the line the line of sin.
- In the name of being culturally relevant, some expose themselves to unnecessary temptation.
- In the name of relaxing, some are entertained by sin.
- In the name of ministering to people, some spend unsupervised time with the opposite sex.
Instead of creating moral margin, some ignore wisdom and flirt with disaster.
How can you put more distance between yourself and unnecessary temptations?
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This is my favorite post of this series so far…
I think that recognizing that sin isn’t just the “bad stuff” we do, but it is even the thoughts in our heart, like bitterness, anger, lust, jealousy, envy etc…
Recognizing that God is so serious about sin, and its consequences, that he sent his own perfect son Jesus Christ to die, so that we don’t have to spend eternity in hell forever because of our sin… is key…
God has never been “light” on sin, even when we were culturally… anyone who can’t see how serious God is about sin when they see the cross, has missed the mark…
This is a much needed perspective shift in American culture…
When we get serious about God, and believe what He said about sin and its consequences, then we can get serious about walking with Jesus and putting distance between sin and its temptations…
I beieve the root of all sin is unbelief… but God’s power for overcoming sin is grace found through faith!
whenever I’m asked the “how far is too far?” question, I simply reply “asking the question”…
Simply asking such a question reveals a backwards way of thinking… Holiness is always distant from those with this mindset.
Let’s ask, “how close can I get to God?” not, “… to sin?”
Great post!
“I gave my word to stop at third”…enough said
(you’re welcome)
Craig,
I don’t think you can remind pastors enough on this one. We walk this line under the guise of “cultural relevance” and we need to be intentional about recognizing where that line exists.
When Paul said that he was all things to all people that he might save some, I am assuming he went through this same struggle and needed to be intentional about understanding where the line was in his life.
This moral margin problem is not just directly sexual in nature. It can be the joke that is taken too far or the leader who condones the joke. It can be the allowance of certain TV shows in your house because “it’s on TV so it must be O.K.” I think you get my point.
Enough of my rambling… thanks for the reminder.
Great Post Craig! I echo Avery and Chilly. Also, Have a game plan ready, maintain healthy thought control…sin starts as a small seed in the mind, create healthy relationship boundaries, water your own grass. David got on the rooftop…step at a time…define your weak points and always be aware and change course!
Do you have your staff all agree to the same code of margin? Do you think it is important for church leaders to create a code of ethics for the entire staff that all are required to follow? Most teams are becoming more cross- gender. How strict is to strict? How lax is to lax? Just a thought for other leaders.
How can I put more distance between myself and unnecessary temptations?
1. Know my weaknesses and take the the steps necessary to protect myself. (i.e struggling with porn - filter internet, accountability software on computer, block tv channels or eliminate them altogether) To win a battle we must protect our weak areas.
2. I must be real and accountable. This is hard for a pastor, especially if he or she is unsure if they really have a committed friend that is willing to hold a confidence. I have worked hard to find that kind of friend and I’m glad to say he is there for me.
3. Don’t be stupid. In Proverbs 5:8 speaking of the immoral person. “Stay away from her! Don’t go near the door of her house!” We all know were he or she lives (the tv, the computer, next door, at the office) Stay away, don’t play with fire.
It’s not about setting up a legalistic standard for all to follow. It’s about making God honoring decisions to place moral margin in each of our lives.
I agree with Brandon. You have to know where you are weak. and be willing to talk about that are with someone you trust.
You also have to be accountable…also, being accountable doesnt mean that you talk about things and they ask you questions….it means that when they give you wisdom you should follow it.
as my pastor always says, you should try to be as far away from the line as possible. because it is all in the motives…and if you are trying to “toe the line” you are trying to test God and see how far he will let you go.
It is all about being wise in your decisions….even if you think it will be fun to do some things it is wisdom to know that you are weak and shouldn’t….but the maturity comes in when you say no because you know that it will make things worse.
I think the hardest part of accountability is the honesty part. We can (and should) have accountability partners, but if we won’t be honest they aren’t much help.
I am thankful for my buddy Larry and my wife Jennifer, they both know my weaknesses, and always seem to know when and what to ask…
Thanks for this great post.
1) Get on your knees and pray because your heart is prone to wandering
2) Unplug your TV & your internet
3) Hug no woman except your wife
4) Don’t discuss your marriage problems
5) Let a brother get in your face about these things
How can you put more distance between yourself and unnecessary temptations?
I heard some great wisdom from a teenager on this subject when I was working at a coffeehouse in Kansas City. I blogged about it here.
A minister I worked with was asked a similar question, I loved his response…
“It seems we are always asking how close can we get to failing, would you ask that question of your college profs? - you know, ‘how little can I do and still scrape by?’ No, you wouldn’t because you know what his answer would be, and you should know God’s answer . . . He wants you to go for the A not the D in life as well as in school”
As previous posters have said, it is our position in Christ on which we should dwell, not scheming to get farther away from Him.
I wonder how many people really think about moral margin? We all wish we had more money or more time. Do we wish we were so far away from the line that we can’t even see it? I echo Chilly’s comment about asking “how close can I get to God.” I’m praying that my heart is never desensitized to sin, that I’m always grieved by even the appearance of sin in my life, and that I’m always honest and open with friends that care enough to challenge me when I stumble. But mostly, I’m praying that my heart will long to be closer to Jesus. I need to take the practical steps in my life that help me keep moral margin, and I need to treasure a close relationship with Jesus. If I do, my heart will be there also.
God doesn’t ask us to resist sin or fight it, he tells us to flee. The best example to me is Joseph running off buck naked from Potiphar’s wife. Now that’s getting serious about getting away from sin.
If you haven’t heard Craig’s story “don’t pet the squirrel” you really need to watch the series “Going All the Way.” This was specifically about sexual tempatation but of course it applies to all sin. You can read the book but the viesual is awfully funny.
This is always a tough call. Don’t do this or don’t do that. Do this or do that. Don’t hug. Do hug(from the side). Don’t have a member of the opposite sex in the office when by yourself. Do counsel but with the door open. These are “hard” lines to decide and draw. For years I had an “I will not see a woman by myself when no one else is present” mentality. Then I move to pastor a church where we have no building, a part time secretary and an office right along the main drag. Now the question comes: what am I supposed to do? Close all the doors, bar all the windows and say, “I am out of the office” when in fact I am right there? We cannot stop people dropping by. What I try to do (when the youth pastor is not around) is limit the time and limit the exposure (no pun intended) to my time and office of any one person. I also tell my wife who comes to see me (without divulging the conversation unless she needs to know). Right now she is my best accountability partner.
I also agree that instead of asking “how close can I get without sinning?” we ought to be asking, “What do I need to do in this situation to continue being a man/woman of integrity and holiness?”
I believe the key is my intimacy with God. I won’t even approach the line if Jesus is so much a part of my life. I totally agree with you about the whole relevance issue. We have to be so careful not to be of the world just live in it and shine as bright as we can.
Josh put cultural relevane in quotes (I’m picturing Matt Foley using air quotes even as I type this). Just a reminder, Jesus was culturally relevant.
Btw, I’m planting a church called “Church Relevant” (yes, I used quotes)
David said Psalm 16 that the boundary lines have fallen in pleasant places. Too often I’ve set my boudary line right up agains the sin line. That isn’t a pleasant place. When I let God set the boundary it’s a heck of a lot farther away. Can’t even see the darn thing. Pleasant places. Much better than toes at the line.
So, practically speaking, get as far away from whatever your temptation is. Get radical. The only one you’ve got to report to is God himself. (oh, and those people who are holding you accountable. gotta love ‘em)
GREAT POST!!! so many are not willing to admit that this is an issue and face sin, to call it sin, or to deal with it in any way. but it doesn’t just disappear if we ignore it or fail to address it!
i’ve really been focusing in on a passage that has already been mentioned in a previous reply…Brandon Duff…Proverbs 5 is all over this! every day i ask God to keep me away from the door…the path to the door…and to give me sensitivity to it if i’m about to be near. if there is a question in my mind…i have to get out of there, no matter if i can see the door or think it’s even there.
if i’m feeling tempted in any way i have brothers that i can contact to share my situation with and have them pray for me and hold me accountable.
Choose the “inconvenience” of your spouse and/or a trusted friend know where you are and what you are doing. This would not have to get ridiculous.
But, the idea is don’t allow “shadow” places or activities work their way into our life. If all is in the “light” and known, temptation oftens recedes quickly.
Another thought: would you (I) - without notice - be completely at ease if anyone wanted to look at what is on our computer screen OR even borrow our computer?
I try to live with moral margin in ministry everyday. I am a lucky guy though to have a wife who wants to be a part of student ministry too. She has been a blessing over the years when I need to cousel teenage girls to meet with me, or to just do it on her own. I have made it a policy in ministry to never allow myself to be alone with someone of the opposite sex. Also, I have given my wife permission to ask about any conversations I have with a woman in public. She has my back!
When I hear the term “moral margin” (again Matt Foley) I instantly think of how the Pharisees and their Rabbis had put a hedge around the Law so that even if someone were to violate one the rules, they would still be a long way away from violating the law. One of their rules to help honor the Sabbath was that you could not drink vinegar to cure a tooth ache (because it is work) but if you eat food that has vinegar in it and your tooth ache is eased- it is ok. So when Jesus healed on the Sabbath, it really was violating their hedge.
Pastors especially need to be careful about what kind of a “rules margin” that they teach. (For example no sex because it could lead to dancing)
That being said I once heard a youth pastor comment that he heard warnings to be carefull because “we are all just one step from the gutter.” His responce was “Forget that! There is no way I going stand that close to the gutter”. I think that too often I become convinced that in some way it is normal to be close to or on the verge of sin.
Since I have been in ministry for 20 years and in church leadership for at least 30 years, I look back on what I would of done in a current situation back then. This helps me get through the clutter of current culture (church and non church)and see things clearer.
An example is our current movie night. Every Friday night we show a recently released movie. There has been times when the rating can be very misleading. What was R rated years ago would now be considered PG-13 or PG. We have to preview each movie because what is acceptable (language, sexual references) now in culture may still be unacceptable with the values and message we are speaking to our church and our community.
Bottom line is that we are all swept along by our culture and we have to be careful that we are not making decisions based on our own current cultural experience but the standards God has set for us.
Set up clear boundaries in dating relationships. Set “the line” very conservatively so that if you find yourself violating your agreed-on standards, you are still far from any major moral issues.
On a side note, I just graduated from Southeastern University in Lakeland, FL, and I was privileged to hear you at The Forum today. Your session was awesome and I really appreciate your contribution.
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Our lifegroup just did the 2nd week of Hostage tonight. During the conversation we came to a realization that the reason these topics– Bitterness, Worry, etc.– are so poignant, is that they are the roots of sin. Our bitterness leads to lashing out, our worry that we are good enough leads us to seek validation, our fear that we are not good leads us to medicate with the scratch that satisfies the itch.
If we hold on to the fact that we are valuable, loved, worthy, relevant, and necessary to God, for God, and for our families we stay much more engaged and further from the distractions that are “sin.” Our only one true sin is that we don’t believe that God is big enough or intimate enough to meet our needs.
i think we fail to ask ourselves, (1) does it bring glory to god and (2) does it honor my marriage.
we can apply this to our careers, hobbies, and most certainly, every relationship in our lives. have these things hurt or helped our marriage and our standing with god…because it has not left it alone.
we act and think too independently of the father and of our marriages…
great post craig. there’s a saying in law that justice doesn’t just need to be done, it needs to appear to be done. otherwise, public confidence in the justice system is undermined (apparently, we don’t do justice well….!) we don’t just need to live morally, we need to appear to live morally, which means our standards really need to be higher.
Craig’s question: How can you put more distance between yourself and unnecessary temptations?
Moral Margin….What a scary thought, it sounds like you would need to apply a mathematical equation to see just where you should land that as Craig stated would allow us to flirt with disaster!
Here are a couple of rules (yes rules) that I live by as a man and husband with regard to interaction with the opposite sex…..I don’t have many rules, but on this issue I do…..
1. If she looks good coming, it’s not a sin after all I’m a man…..If she looks good in profile, I need to check my heart it’s suspect…..If she looks good going, (for me) it’s sin, the long look is reserved for my wife only…..
2. Every conversation/interaction I have with someone of the opposite sex needs to be had as if my wife were standing there
Without question I do not want to grieve the heart of God through my actions and therefore my actions should be honoring to Him in all situations. But also on regular occasion, at least 1x every week I review the damage that would be done if my actions are dishonoring to God…..What will the affect be on my wife?…How about my children?… Friends?…Family?…Ministry Partners?…and the list go’s on and on!
Andy Stanley’s book, “Best Question Ever,” is a great book to deal with this stuff. It’s one of my favorite books of all time.
Im reading many in this post, refer to scripture. I had an experience just the other day; I was reading my bible, my husband was in the background with the kids watching ‘The Simpsons’. As Im reading, I hear the t.v., and it comes to my attention the extreme contrast from the t.v. and the Word. I am of the belief that if we are to stay in the Word….we will not fall victim to the temptation that is inevitably going to come our way.
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