I hope that this somehow is helpful…not sure how…but here it goes…

Personally, I would not want to be friends with anyone that had a list that long just to qualify me to be considered one of his amigos. I am judged enough in life, in general, so I try not to bother with it from my “friends”.

Perhaps Craig should pen an article on “How to Make Real Friends as a Pastor”. Or perhaps a short story on “How to Get off Your Pedestal Long Enough to Act Ethically.”

It seems to me like most pastors have a hard time coming to grips with the fact that compatibility between them and every single member of the congregation is unrealistic. Furthermore… leading on members of your church to believe that there is a chance for them to befriend you while you mock them to your family and staff might not be the best tactic in godliness. I understand that it may be difficult to say “no” to a volunteer in the kids’ room or tell one of your ushers that you would rather not hang out with him this Friday night. I also understand that you would rather not piss off any of the members that “get” the whole “tithing thing.” I just figured that a person that is so “in tune” that he is able to write a criteria to get on the waiting list to be his buddy (and then blog about it), might find it more fulfilling to study up on honesty with others and ethical behavior. He needs to find out how to fill his church seats without being a used car salesman and telling everyone what they want to hear from their good buddy Craig.

Maybe it is just a terrible misunderstanding on my part or a play on words on his. After all, I know a pastor that I consider to be a friend, and I also know a Pastor that simply makes considerations to befriend me. I love one of them effortlessly (and I try not to bug him too much). The other I struggle to love because I don’t respect him entirely (and I don’t bother bugging him at all)

Here is the deal.

I have had a bunch of teachers and mentors in my life. Most of which were extremely impactful and have help shaped the person that I am today. No of which have I ever mistook as a friend. They did not necessarily LOVE me. They were simply doing their job; and they did it well. You don’t have to be a friend to be helpful. Perhaps Craig should rethink the way that he “sells” to his congregation. He’s intentions is that of a teacher, but his impact is that of a friend. One has nothing to do with the other.

No one said that being a teacher to “many” meant that you needed to be a friend to “all”.

My advice would be to for him to spend less time thinking about what annoys him about people, and more time understanding why so many are misinterpreting his message, that he feels the need to fire a shot across his pulpit to insure that no one would mistakenly shake his hand and offer him kindness as they know it. He needs to stop selling himself as everyone’s buddy when his microphone is cued and just teach people how to seek out a friend in Jesus. Who, by the way, has a much shorter list of qualifications for his friends.

That is a sad article, but there is a happy ending for Craig. He can keep writing about the way he selects his friends to the point that everyone that reads it feels like they are not good enough to live up to his expectations. Then he will get what he is asking for…

…lot’s of time alone to spend with those few that are lucky enough to make the cut. Hopefully the rest will stick around so that he can continue to pay the bills.

And across the room everyone said…..

(You don’t need to keep this posted, I’ll understand)

First, I think Tony’s post underscores the point. If a pastor talks about his/her life and the challenges that come from their experience, people can’t just listen.

Second, for a congregation member to become friends with a pastor, they have to expand their friendship circle by one family. But for every congregation member to become friends with the pastor, the pastor has to expand their friendship circle the size of the church. Even in a small church, this is impossible.

Third, I think we need to pay more attention to the issues that John L raised in his response. According to statistic cited in Barna’s new book Pagan Christianity, 80% of pastors believe that pastoral ministry effects their families negatively.

Four, we’re not all the same and we change too.

This fellow decided to meet us at the place, unlock it and show us around. That seemed fine to us, although it was unnecessary. We asked him to eat dinner with us that first night and had a good visit. He decided to stay in town that first night and return in the morning to work on something. He stayed the entire three days - ate with us at every meal. We didn’t get to let our hair down once. He said he needed some “pastor time” and made time to get to know each of my kids. It was weird and it was horrible.

Lesson - if you are going to let your pastor have your lake home - you go home and let him relax.

I am not going to try to beat down my pastors because their time is pulled every which way. What makes me ask is this, “How can I serve the Lord? How can I help shoulder that burden?”

Many people feel like you have to have close personal relationships in order to help that person out. How much more powerful is the love of Christ when we help others who don’t even know us?

What goes for the poor, the homeless, the orphan, the widow, the sick and the prisoner goes just as well for your friend, neighbor, business associate, ex-wife or even your pastor.