I think that Joe has hit the nail on the head.

I believe that the vast majority of bad feelings in church is because most, if not all, Christians have an agenda. It is their own personal agenda and not Jesus’ agenda.

Every time my feelings have been hurt in life it was because some expectation of mine was not met. Why do we carry our personal expectations into church?

If Church was a place for Christians to come together to “give” instead of to “take” then life in church would probably be much more pleasant. In 40 years of searching, I have never found a Church that was about giving instead of taking.

If we don’t love people, I would question whether or not we love God. The purest form of demonstrating God’s vertical love is to express it horizontally on his people.

They expect so much from us and often give very little to the relationship. They call to “talk” but what they really want to do is get counseling or gossip or get something on you. I understand not everyone is like that, but too many have been for me to be comfortable with it.

I have experienced a lot of hurt and unforgiveness toward people who basically used us to advance their agenda. God dealt with me on this big time and I went through a very long process to work that out. I am learning to befriend people again but there is a certain part of me that will always be on guard. I don’t believe I have to let every person who wants to be my friend into my heart. I will pick who becomes a friend and who doesn’t.

Thanks for this post.

A lot of times me and my wife feel that we are the only ones who feel like ministry is just too tough ALL THE TIME!

There is nothing more challenging than jumping into ministry during your first year of marriage, this has been the most difficult year. Reaching the lost is such an important task, but holding your marriage together is just as important.

Thanks

awesome stuff bro…thanks for this great series of posts…peace..mike.

good insight.

Couples need ministered to now, more than ever. Transparency is vital to relational ministry. Your understandably cautious, fearing the hurt you may suffer for being transparent. But in that risk lies a reward. As the Apostle Paul says in 2 Corinthians 4:7, “We have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that this all surpassing power is from God and not from us.” Have you ever thought that the problems or trials that you are experiencing are part or will become part of your treasure. God can use you and your wife to minister to other couples, and, as you do, you will be ministered to. You can exhibit an empowered witness that shows though the trials are tough, through God, your still standing! Couple ministry is best accomplished couple to couple or small group (6 couples max per group). If you have that dynamic in your local church, get involved. If not, maybe God is leading you and your wife in that direction. I’d be happy to talk further.

Pastor Dave Kidd
Binding Hearts Marriage Ministries
http://www.bindinghearts.embarqspace.com

Here is a piece from my blog…

Friday, February 1, 2008
Where do you hide your heart?

It’s a thought provoking question isn’t it? We humans easily fall victim to conditioning. We attempt something once, maybe a few times and if we get hurt we avoid that experience at any cost. Some individuals; however, may paste on a grin and force themselves to confront the very same issue again. They know that it is probably going to hurt - not a pain so much from the issue itself, but pain from the initial wound as memories are stirred.

Floor to ceiling bathroom stalls can cause problems. Sure, for privacy it’s great. But, you never can be sure if anyone is in there. Such was the case during a sport show in 1999. I was giving seminars (on walleye fishing - I used to compete on the professional tournament trail) and working at my sponsor’s booth, promoting product. About half way through the day, I was encouraged by some positive remarks from a company exec. as to my future with their product and company. Later that same day, a friend of mine, took me aside and told me of a conversation he overheard while, well, sitting in just such a bathroom stall. In short, he heard the very same company exec, who hours before was singing my praises, tell someone how he had it made. “Dave Kidd mentions our product in his seminars, magazine articles or when he’s on ESPN or TNN and we sell a bunch of product. But, we’re just using him now when he’s cheap, when his name demands any significant money, we’ll dump him!” I’ll never forget that day - it crushed me. I vowed that no one would ever use me again!

A while back I finished reading Confessions of a Pastor by Craig Groeschel. In it he says not to take too seriously the comments of either your fans or your critics. Wise words. Sometimes the very same ones who give you the highest compliments will turn and hand you your head on a platter minutes, hours, days or years later. That’s human relationship. Knowing that, it is so tempting to just hang out the “closed” sign and live my life in peaceful obscurity. But I have this problem. I can’t hide my heart. If I do, I can’t help people. I can’t get close enough to people, or allow them to get close enough to me if I have hidden my heart in an effort to protect it. Hiding my heart would turn everything God has called me to do into a train wreck.

Are you hiding your heart? Are you too afraid to get close enough to people to reach them for Christ? Think you’ll be hurt? Guess what? You will be, and the sting of it will always be a memory in this life. But it’s worth it. Again, are you hiding your heart? Imagine if Christ hid his!

Last year, I was let go (read fired!). I felt free, like a load was lifted almost immediately. I was still me and they were still them, so what was the difference? The difference was I was released from ministry to them, but I was never to minister to them, was I? I mean we are ministers of the Word - Ambassadors for Christ. For so long, my freedom was not in Christ, but in other’s expectations of me, or my level of success.

It is important to have a highly developed sense of reality. It may sound hard, but my emotions, feelings, and thoughts are mine and they can only be hurt if I allow them and they are to be held captive in Christ. I now chose to hurt for others when I see their anger, their pain, their sadness, their need for a savior. Instead of being hurt by their behavior, my heart goes out to their need.

2 Cor 10:4 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 6So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, 7rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

Colossians 2:8 See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.

Last year for us was our most hurtful year in ministry…to the point where it was the first time in 14 years my wife and I almost even considered never setting foot in a church.

When you are hurt purposely by a pastor and then a close friend stabs you in the back at church…..IT HURTS. (A lot of details not for this blog)

I even questioned God, felt like Job…after it was all said and done I asked myself if the last 14 years were worth it?

The answer was a resounding “YES” It was worth it to know that there are hundreds of teens now serving God. It was worth it to see some of our teens go into full time ministry.

I also asked God, “Why did they do it?????” like a hundred times. Why did He let me go through it.

What He told me was He was the one that did it because if I would have stayed with them I would not have reached my potential.

That didn’t make it any less hurtful but it did keep me on focus.

Point is “when iron sharpens iron, there are always a lot of sparks”

Pain will come in ministry because we live in an imperfect world with imperfect people.