New Year’s Chazown 5 (of 5)
Accountability
From Chazown:
When the gospel first came to Africa, some of the early converts became so passionate about prayer that they built their own private prayer huts. Each hut was set aside for just one person, and a path used only by that person led up to its door.
If someone neglected the loving discipline of prayer, guess what happened. Grass would begin to grow on his or her path.
The straying brother or sister’s best friends were those with the courage to say, “I love you, and I see there’s grass growing on your path.” In other words, I love you enough to correct you. You’re not doing what God has called you to do.
Who loves you enough to point out the overgrown paths in your life? Who will help hold you accountable with your New Year’s resolutions?
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My Better Whole, Raul Palacios. I’m strong & stubborn when it comes to the overgrownpaths in my life - but Raul not only cares enough to notice, but takes the time to get up in my business and loudly point it out. And I am grateful.
Last semester I was held accountable by one of my professors when I jokingly lied and told her my “Pre-Exam packet” was done so that I could hand out some LC Christmas cd’s haha. She called me out on it. I was (kind-of) joking, but she was still deceived. It was a wake-up call though. I’ve asked her to hold me accountable if she sees or even hears anything un-Christlike about me.
I’ve also asked my parents to hold me accountable for my bad time management. They are helping me!
I’m on the road to making the best use of my time and becoming the best example of Christ I can at my school (and everywhere).
One problem I have faced, though, is that my small group friends agree that we will hold each other acountable. They hold me accountable for scheming (I was quite the trouble-maker/planner)(I still have some remnants of it, but every time I do begin to plan or start some mischief I remember I’m not supposed to and stop), yet when I hold them accountable - some agree and fix their problem - but others agree and then say something to the effect of “I know….but I’m going to anyways”. Some also agree and then behind my back break their committment.
I don’t want to seem condemning, but how do I confront/address this issue?
As of right now I plan on (I will be teaching my small group) using a lower-key version (because I am the same age as them) of Paul Washer’s sermon I found:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuabITeO4l8&eurl
What do you think about this?
What do you think about what I should do?
Wife, Team & Accountability Partners!
That’s a great illustration; many times we like to just cut the grass low and give it the appearance of being walked-on. ;-)
Wow! What a great visual!
Without a doubt, my wife would fulfill that role. I also believe that there are several friends who are “for me” and love me enough that they would be willing to mention the “growing grass”.
I think they would also help me make it clear once again. :)
My best friend, John, has held me accountible for years…we use the questions Colson put in his book, “Being The Body”, an excellent read…
Just got “Chazown” from Amazon….I can’t wait to start reading it!!
Wow. That’s quite an illustration. Chris and Gina will keep me in line.
I have the best support in my family, Lifegroup, at the gym, and with my photography best friend…we cheer on each other! Invite encouraging people into your life! Find others with similar goals, pray for God to bring these people in your life.
There is nothing worse than forced accountability with someone who will discourage you. (Kick the junk to the curb…See ya! meet my boot) Life is too short to deal with disheartening and discouraging people.
Jared asked some good questions. Do any of you have some wisdom for him?
Heather, I like what you called your hubby… Your better whole.
Scott, Glad you have some great people in place with permission to speak into your life.
John, You are blessed to have a great marriage. If you don’t have someone outside your marriage empowered to speak into serious issues, you might seek such a relationship. I’ve found outside and objective advice helpful in addition to my wife’s great wisdom and honesty.
Rob, Thanks for the tip from Colson’s book. Hope God speaks to you through “Chazown.”
Cindy, I didn’t know someone needed to keep you in line. :)
Jenn, You are so right about encouraging/discouraging people.
I have been blessed my entire life with encouraging and supportive relationships including an amazing husband, family and friends, but until recently, I didn’t fully grasp accountability and what He intends. God totally lead me to my accountability partner, and she and I continue to be amazed with His perfect pairing. I truly appreciate her calling me out on my grass. :) But it’s funny in that neither one of us are totally comfortable with the ‘calling each other out’ part yet so God calls us out together. :) Thank you, LC Leadership, for forcing me to find the blessing of accountability!!
Jared:
Regarding the Small Group issue you mentioned - did you and the others in the group agree on some form of a covenant? Perhaps you did not use that word (which I get, since it - Biblically - carries a lot of weight), but did your group of men collectively affirm some set of guidelines/standards for the group? The presence or absence of that likely will help steer you toward a next step.
More important than that is that you resolve any issue in a way that reflects the teaching from Matthew 18. If you have an issue to bring to an individual, one of the best ways to start the conversation is to be able to say, “I have not mentioned this to anyone. I wanted to bring it directly to you.”
Hope that is helpful, and I am happy to provide more feedback if you like.
John
Craig, you are so right!
Interesting that I have been thinking about that more the last couple of days - a particular person who has agreed to lovingly “get in my grill” when needed. A group of trusted friends is one thing, but the investment of one person who pledges to bring grace and truth would be a great service to my discipleship.
Thanks!
My wife.
@ Jared - I’ve always been wary of group accountability. I know there’s a big movement to use your close groups to keep everyone accountable. I’ve never felt comfortable with it, personally or Biblically. Within a group there are too many variables. You don’t know the spiritual state of each person in the room and private issues can be quickly leaked to the wrong people completely out of context.
I prefer speaking with a single person that you trust implicitly. You know their spiritual walk with the Lord and you’re able to have a much more honest and transparent conversation with them.
This book is a pretty great book about covenant relationships in ministry…
Leaders that Last
Scott and John, thank you very much for your advice!
I have now decided to take the personal approach! I will try to have a personal spiritual conversation with every person in my group.
Thanks again!
I used to go to breakfast each week with three other men…
A couple of them have recently gone to other churches… but we are going to get this going again soon…
I am seeing a bit of grass on my walkway…
Great reminder…
I also heard a great message from Chuck Swindoll a couple of days ago about this very thing… here’s a link
Chuck’s message
I have 2 accountability brothers that are also my roommates in college. We are all on a pursuit of letting God reek-havoc in our lives until we get restless enough to stir up trouble in the enemy’s camp. These guys are committed to making sure that I don’t drop the ball and allow all of the visions, goals and plans for this year to become balls of smoke in the end. I love these guys; I know that with their support, I’ll reach my goals in excellence.
Libby, I’m so glad God gave you a great person to hold you accountable.
(Having an accountability partner is a staff requirement at Life.)
Anne and Avery, Thanks for the recommendation.
Antwon, I checked out your blog. I love your passion! It will be cool to see what God does through you in the coming days.
Jared: God bless you for making this commitment with your group to hold each other accountable. Really, my only accountability partner is my best friend Mandy and my husband. Mandy has no problem confronting me, the good, the bad and the ugly. Sometimes it is very hard to take. To maybe help with this question: “I don’t want to seem condemning, but how do I confront/address this issue?” My suggestion is to address it with love; understand why you are doing this and help them understand that this is the reason why we have accoutability partners. Because people mess up.
To maybe help with this: “I know….but I’m going to anyways” It says in the bible to confront someone that offends you. If they will not listen bring others with you to confront. (sorry about the paraphrase) The scripture is in the context of confrontation in the church….but, aren’t we the church?
Jared….hope this helps!
Jared: I dont want to be a buddinski…but, saw this post and wanted to ask a few questions, if you dont mind.
“I have now decided to take the personal approach! I will try to have a personal spiritual conversation with every person in my group.”
Are you alone confronting each person in your group? Have you prayed about this….and got the go ahead?
I apologize if I misunderstood your post.
My husband. My Life Group. My mentors. I think you need peers AND those that are older in Him and wiser…those who aren’t afraid to speak the truth in love to you.
Good question. I have a few people in my life. Pastors that I chat with regularly.