Comments on: Tough Conversations 4 (of 4)

By: Stusanarnulty

Stusanarnulty — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 19:06:35 +0000

favorited this one, brother

By: Craig

Craig — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 20:24:22 +0000

Matt, You are very welcome. It is fun to share ideas. Thanks for being a part.

Jason, Congrats on your faith-filled decision. I pray God blesses your journey to full time ministry.

John, I’m sorry to hear you had a tough transition out of a church. Unfortunately, we’ve handled too many staff changes the wrong way. I regret that we hurt some great people. I pray you heal quickly and glorify Christ in all you do.

By: John

John — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 15:05:33 +0000

Thank you for this tough conversation series. I was unjustly terminated from a church and almost none of the guidelines you mentioned were followed. I’ve taken steps to have conversations with certain people to reconcile but they have gone ignored. It has been refreshing and somewhat healing for me to hear a pastor say the things you said. If my situation were handled the way you suggested, I wouldn’t have near the amount of baggage that I have today.

By: Jason

Jason — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 05:59:46 +0000

Craig,

I am so thankful you are fully submitted to the Lord’s leading in your life. I attend COTH and was moved by the Holy Spirit last night. A little over a week ago I resigned from my career to pursue full time ministry. The steps you shared last night spoke directly to where God has me right now!

Your humility is inspiring! Thank you again for being used by God in such a mighty way! Psalms 37:23

Faith isn’t believing God can do it, it’s Knowing He Will!
Habakukk 2:3,4

Merry Christmas,
-Jason Cooke

By: Matt Roden

Matt Roden — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 03:49:56 +0000

Craig-
Thank you so much for your insights on this blog. I save so many posts on a file that I look at regularly. Your willingness to share your wisdom and anything else free helps us younger guys tremendously. Thank you bro!
-Matt

By: Craig Groeschel

Craig Groeschel — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 03:37:20 +0000

Jeremy, Mike, Kevin, John, Thanks for your feedback. I’m glad the series was helpful to you.

Ryan, Anne, Kendra, Scott and Michael, Thanks for your contributions!

Livia, You made my day. Thanks for your kind words from Brazil. I pray God blesses you in every way!

By: Craig Groeschel

Craig Groeschel — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 03:28:30 +0000

Jenn asked, “If the person you terminate slanders you to others behind your back…How do YOU handle this?”

Great question. You might consider talking to the person directly about the slander. No matter what, it is important for us to do the right thing. It might be painful, but right.

By: Lívia Chaves

Lívia Chaves — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 00:59:19 +0000

Dear Craig,
Greetings from Brazil! My name is Lívia, I’ve just read your book Confessions of a Pastor. I’m writing to say that it’s wonderful!!! I loved it!
I thank God for your life and courage and for everything that He could teach me through your book.
I don’t know many words in English so I finish here (sorry for misspellings!).
Jesus continues blessing you and your family. All the best!

Lívia
Salvador – Bahia – Brazil

By: Carrie

Carrie — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 23:06:32 +0000

I will be honest. In my experience, I have only seen this done right on rare occasions. Sad, I know. I have so many people that I know that have burned badly and wounded because these tough conversations were handled so poorly. To leaders who are faced with these tough conversations, I would say to them follow the heart of God. Confront with love and honesty, always make your speech uplifting about the person after the conversation, and pray for the person on the other end. They need your prayers after those conversations more than you know.

By: michael

michael — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 22:39:30 +0000

i think we need to be aware, especially as men, that were are not perceived as someone with whom it is difficult to have that conversation. women…wives…nothing shuts them down faster than fear and as husbands, we need to make sure we seem accessible for those times.

professionally, fear dominates again, and communication styles are critical. a short fuse and the f-bomb will keep people from sharing bad news fast, so as leaders we have to set the tone for how those conversations transpire, and in the end, someone is respected for how they addressed the matter.

…the loudest in the room is usually the weakest…

i recently spent a week getting ripped by the ceo, and it was not short of expletives. as i took the caning, i was taking solace in the fact my team does not bear wrath in our conversations.

By: Kendra G

Kendra G — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 20:57:31 +0000

The New Testament is clear in several places about cleaning up relationships that ended in offense. To me, Matt. 5:23-24 even places the burden on the offender not the offended to make the first move. Between fellow followers of Christ, the most important part of a tough conversation is making sure you’re both right with God afterwards, without residual bitterness, misunderstanding, and unforgiveness.

By: anne jackson

anne jackson — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 18:43:02 +0000

Jenn-you and me both!! I am learning how thoughts affect emotions, which then affect behavior…and that can go both ways - thinking positively or negatively…It is so tough to change the way you think when you are “set” on something/someone/a hurt/a response…girl, I am with you there. What a journey, huh?!

By: Jenn Cady

Jenn Cady — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 18:32:40 +0000

Thanks Anne for the GREAT words of wisdom and for the example…I do try and take the high road but my inside usually is saying “yuck” even though I am smiling. I am learning A LOT about emotions / feelings (fickle) and dissociating them with DOING what is right by God’s Word! Thanks Again :) You Rock!

By: Ryan Day

Ryan Day — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 16:22:19 +0000

It has to be genuine though. I once had a boss that was a totally…well, we’ll say ‘blessing’ in this context, that told me off for something I didn’t do, made crazy accusations, then found out he was wrong and didn’t follow up! Here I was right, loyal and being treated horribly! Whatever respect I had for him was gone in that instant. Oh, and he did it at a restaurant and did the chit-chat thing for 30 minutes.

However, I learned a lot from him. Now that I lead a staff, I am committed to not being like him.

By: mike p

mike p — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 15:28:28 +0000

Craig,

I actually had a tough conversation 10 days ago…and last nite saw the person at a distance. Seeing them caught me off-guard, as it was at a time that i NEVER see them (which shocked me). Unfortunately, I was caught off-guard enough that i avoided them…

Thanks (to the Holy Spirit) for the reminder (about 15 hours later) to engage in meaningful follow-up. After all, I want the best for this person and they need to know i’m sincere in that.

By: John Ireland

John Ireland — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 14:57:47 +0000

Good wrap-up for this series of posts, Craig.

Gratefully, I do not have one of these looming on the horizon!

Your reminder about the inquiries of others is crucial. I suspect in nearly all of these types of situations, NO ONE…NO ONE!…needs to know any of the details.

I love the fact that you make an effort to say something like, “Yeah, so-and-so is making a transition. That role just was not God’s best for them. But, let me tell you this (insert positive comments.” Just a great approach.

Looking forward to what’s next…

By: Kevin Bussey

Kevin Bussey — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 14:25:41 +0000

Good stuff,

I think it is wise to speak well of places you leave too.

By: Jeremy Scheller

Jeremy Scheller — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 14:25:01 +0000

this has been a brilliant series. Clear and focused with strong action points.

thanks,

By: anne jackson

anne jackson — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 14:14:44 +0000

Jenn - In another life, I was one who was being “encouraged to leave” for reasons that were honestly unfair and a bit slanderous. The day the meeting took place, I was FIRED UP (and that is putting it mildly!)

I talked to another pastor on staff who knew what was happening and agreed it shouldn’t be, but since it was out of both of our hands, he shared with me a similar situation he had gone through at one of the churches he worked at. He told me about taking the high road, and “in humility, considering others better than yourself” - even though it sucked, I could rest in the fact I knew the truth about the situation and could decide to be respectful in my actions to the person who was causing the problems.

Even though at first, it was hard, I tried to stick with it when I’d see this person around. I’m not sure how this other person took it, but I know for me, it was a growing process. Kind of like forgiveness isn’t just for the offender, it’s for you.

Lotsalotsaprayer…deep breath…lotsalotsaprayer….

By: Jenn Cady

Jenn Cady — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:45:18 +0000

I have never been in a position to terminate someone but I have seen and have personally been through relationship FALLOUT! So here is a question. If the person you terminate slanders you to others behind your back…How do YOU handle this? When you see them… do you walk by, smile, say hello… when inside your annoyed or do you confront them again?

This is a hard one for me at times…when I know someone doesn’t like me (gossip involved) and they give me the fake “How are you?” Inside I am just thinking…please let’s not pretend and “do this”… let’s both just keep on walking. I usually “grit” a smile (yuck) and get through it. The moment feels so fake but at least I am trying…still a little fuzzy on what’s right!