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Addicted 2 (of 4)
I am completely addicted… to adrenaline. You could say I’m an “adrenaline-junkie.”
You might think, “Well, that’s no big deal.” Actually, it is a big deal. It’s dangerous. And I’m fighting to overcome it.
My body craves the adrenaline rush. Usually adrenaline is our good friend. God gave our bodies adrenaline to handle challenging situations. But for some of us, our bodies crave the rush of adrenaline.
Here’s how it affects me:
- If there are no leadership emergencies, I subconsciously crave some problem to solve. I desire “action.”
- I have a very hard time relaxing. When I do “relax,” it’s by taking a hard bike ride, lifting weights, playing tennis, or reading a work/ministry/leadership-related book. (In other words, I don’t often relax.)
- When I do finally relax (generally after about four days off), my body starts to “thaw out.” I can feel my heart rate and breathing slow. My face tingles. I become the nice and laid-back Craig.
- I may be with my family. But I’m not all there.
I have been working quietly on this problem for quite some time now. With the help of a mentor, I’m making significant progress. I’ll write more tomorrow.
Can you relate? What does your addiction drive you to?
Visit 
Totally hear you on the relax front. When it comes to weekends (which I have off), I physically get depressed and fatigued because “there’s nothing to do” - the “nothing to do” meaning Chris & I have created boundaries as far as how much stuff I can do on a weekend…which is not as much as I’d like…So if I’m not careful, I either resort to one of two things:
1) “Who cares Anne” and I go ahead and clean the house three times (it can never be TOO clean)…thus not listening to my very smart husband…or
2) “Pity me Anne” who says, “well since I can’t do anything worthwhile, I may as well not do anything at all”
Neither of which are healthy.
By Monday, I am awake and eager to go to work, back being happy & have a bounce in my step, because I know I have a lot of stuff waiting for me and can dive back in.
Amazing how something like that can physically affect you.
Craig,
I read your blog this morning and thought that’s me! I know you can help me with this question. When I do relax (after 4 days on vacation) I start to feel guilty that I’m not doing anything aggressive in my leadership. How do you personally handle struggling with those types of feelings?
(sigh) You are preaching to me today bro. I am a pastor, and I love what I do so much, I wish sometimes that there was more to do. I too am working on being present, and not just there. Great post.
Heath
Hi Craig …I am in the same boat but hopefully moving in the right direction. For me what has helped has been: 1. Slow interests…Painting, thank God for abstract!….. Churchill picked up painting at age 40 and credited it for helping him keep the black dog at bay. [I even have his book, 'Painting as a pastime'.] Cooking… the slow stuff [ie] Seven hour lamb. Running, slow long runs. Learning stuff that is not for the weekend [ie french, which also helps with the cooking...] 2. Spirituality…especially prayer. The faster I travel the more I hyperplane. That is depth is directly related to speed. The pace of a cultre corresponds to its spirituality. We in Australia and you’all [appropriate twang] in the States have, as a result, an event-based, visually-hurried, stimuli-saturated approach to church….yet sometimes despite the crowds and the intentional wow factor I feel that the adrenaline of the gathering has become my internal measure of our success.
3. Talking about this stuff…Being aware through forums like this or with friends or counselors….The truth is this is a journey and like all journeys direction and movement are more important then position.
OK–that is exactly what I was talking about commenting on Part 1 yesterday. This one hit home. There’s a rush with physical challenges, the feeling of overcoming a fear, absorbing more knowledge, rushing to reach a deadline, multitasking a hundred things…I can definitely relate to this one. I’ve accomplished a lot because of this ‘addiction’, but you are so right—it’s so hard to stop and relax, to listen, to enjoy without…I can’t wait for parts 3 and 4!!!
Anne, Sounds like you need more help than I do! :)
Heath, Glad the post is speaking to you. I hope you continue to make progress being “all there.”
Phil, So glad to hear you are moving in the right direction! Keep it up!
Rindy, Thanks!
James asked, “How do you relax w/o feeling guilty?” Can you all help with his question?
Hmmm…but the problem is that without adreneline its boring. And then I lose interest and walk away. And the other problem is that when I settle down and in, I have trouble engaging with the people who have been there all along.
Its a whole different ballgame for me when I am not hustling and buzzing and scoring.
So maybe there is this issue of facing the addiction AND then sharpening life skills of humility, attention, etc.
Our 27 year old with Downs often seeps wisdom. Recently he has been onto “Be still and know that I am God.” The other day in the middle of a “normal” week where we saw each other often, he told me he missed me.
Your last bullet point, “I may be with my family, but I’m not all there,” really hits home.
Dave - What a sobering message from your 27 year old.
Wow,
I thought you were describing me. I was on vacation last week–sort of. My mind wasn’t there. It was the mentally with the two opportunities I had given up on.
I relax by weightlifting, jogging or playing guitar. I also veg after ministering because I’m very drained. But that leaves nothing for home. Man, I’m a mess. I’ll be interested in hearing what you’ve done to overcome.
Try and teach your 13 yr. old to play tennis, that will burn the adrenaline right out of ya! BUT waiting to receive that ad-court serve so that you can put a outrageous spin on a backhand return to your 16 yr. old will put it right back into ya!.
Thanks for the great post.
Realize that resting was God’s idea in the first place (Gen 2:2).
Work diligently for six, re-charge on the seventh.
God accepts us because we trust His Son to justify us, not because we’ve worked hard!
“How do you relax without feeling guilty?” Adrenaline junkies are the people who challenge the status quo, are always moving forward, and are often the most innovative because it’s always a sense of ‘what’s next?’.
The down side is that we miss things that can only be known or seen when we slow down. I try to look at it as reflection, stepping back and looking at the big picture (and that may be relationships, health, etc). I don’t see it as a ‘time-out’, but more of a ’soak it all in’ time. In that the guilt is less, because it becomes a piece of the whole. Often those pieces are crucial and should never be overlooked. It is definitely difficult and definitely a conscious effort.
Here is another part of this that really challenges me: many of our heroes become that way drugged with adreneline and/or walking in the Spirit. Craig you are a case in point. Your leadership and innovation has helped all of us. I am not ready to assume that you have not been hugely empowered by God.
Jack Kerourac, a beat hero from the 50s said “The only people that interest me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing … but burn, burn, burn like roman candles across the night.â€?
I agree in many ways…I like to be around someone going somewhere full tilt. So perhaps the wisdom in this is learning to soar depending in the Holy Spirit and not simply drugged up on the big A.
Ouch! :) Truth hurts, but I ain’t disagreeing with you!
It has been a process over the last couple of years of first realizing this, then addressing it, and now learning how to balance and adapt while moving forward in a healthy manner so Christ can use me (not Anne using me) in the way He wants.
With people around me who care and know this struggle - it’s a great path to journey down and learn…difficult…with lots of falling down…but great nonetheless…and maybe one day I’ll be able to help others on it.
I’m crazy addicted to adrenaline too. I’ve been worse in times past, but the addiction is still present.
It’s not guilt that keeps me from slowing…
Like most addictions, I actually enjoy the intensity. I just don’t enjoy what it can do to those around me (family and friends)…AND…after a prolonged period of time, there is often a crash of some sort (emotional, physical, etc)
I think I forgot to close an emphasis tag on my comment…and it’s somehow keeping everything else emphasized (at least in Firefox) … my bad :)
No worries, Anne… It’s fixed now. (One step ahead of you…) :)
I’m with Bobby, the kick of adrendaline is awesome especially in ministry and you feel like a million bucks.
BUT THEN..
It crashes, I can go into overload and my friends and family suffer.
Is there a way for us addicts not to crash?
Heidi asked, “Is there a way for addicts not to crash?” My mentor/counselor and I have been working on this. The key for me is to live normally during normal times. That sounds weird, but to me, normal was always rushed. Now I’m learning that normal can be more relaxed. This is helping me from crashing.
For those of you who are afraid you might not perform/produce at such a high level, I think you will produce at a higher level when rested. I’m learning to depend on the Holy Spirit, rest, relax, honor the Sabbath etc.
Hey Craig when you figure out the answer to this problem let us know. I’m a fighter by nature so I thrive in tough situations where others want to stick their heads in a hole. The bad part is I get bored with the regular stuff of ministry so I too seek out fires or tough projects full of landmines, which probably isn’t all that healthy. I would love to hear about your journey to controlling this and when do you overcontrol something that is a spritual gift. I wonder if God just created some of us this way for His purposes. Around BAF they say I have “broad shoulders” so things get sent my way and I actually kind of thrive in that situation, is it all bad and how much is too much in your opinion? I’m asking because I really don’t have a clue.
Read the rule of St. Benedict or st. Augustine. Go to a monastary to learn how to rest in Gods presence and finally get a copy of the book “practice of the presence of God” by Brother Lawrence (http://www.amazon.com/Practice-Presence-God-Brother-Lawrence/dp/0800785991).
After all: Christ is building the church not we. ;-)
Thanks for the info about the book Jan, I’ll check it out sometime.
I’m not sure if this is a struggle of mine - again, something to think about.
I do remember once when I was running on adrenaline - it was back in January, when I went into a Manic state - doing so many things coupled with stress and depression. I was working on something like 5 websites, and trying to do school, and a lot of other things. I was sleeping in the afternoon, staying up all night to keep up etc. - Bad consequences after.
Great post ;p
my addictions cause me to draw closer to Jesus - because my addictions of working out etc. and my previous addiction are driven by FEAR - my fear of being fat,ugly(compared to this image in my head of beauty) - or when i keep myself too busy - not accomplishing anything therefore being useless.
so God has been teching me - that His love is enough - that he loves me rather i win OR lose -being driven to be constanly winning ie the “prettiest” or “thinnest” or the smartes withth gospel ect. - and that helps me to fall out of my addictions - it is painful but i know He is with me…
Craig - that is great advice, thank you. (I accidentally typed “advil” at first…hmmm…)
Secondly, I heard a great tidbit of wisdom today from someone I look up to…he said, “Don’t always make things perfect. Perfectionism doesn’t leave room for imagination.”
Dang. That’s incredible advice, I thought.
I love these honest conversations.
One thing I’ve learned, as it relates to the adrenalin rush of being in leadership (specifically leading worship) is to relax and let go of things before the main event. I get to a point in my worship preparation (usually sometime on Saturday) where I just literally let go of all the details. From that point on I don’t let the adrenalin lead me into worship leading. This has helped reduce the anxious feelings that come with putting myself on the line in front of a room of people. It has allowed me to be more relaxed even as I lead, and ultimately has allowed me to focus more intently on God. It’s even freed me up to “mess up” on stage and still feel good about how God is using me.
Even so, Sunday afternoon is a sweet time of rest after leading worship.
A little more off topic, but related to the addiction run…
one of the addictive behaviors that pulls me in is to stay relevant and edgy. If I’m really honest, part of me just wants to be a cool Christian, edgy / relevant / informed / missional or whatever. I want to be the man. I know this is pride knocking at my door. I think this is a temptation when we are part of this emergent/ communal/ visionary/ missional/ edgy part of the church, because at times it does feel very cool to be part of what’s happening on the fringes. But that can become an addiction when it becomes the focus or the end goal. I admit sometimes I get caught up in these ideas as an end.
The day before yesterday my brother asked me to buy him a ticket for a football match (his team was playing mine). It sounds like nothing much - buying a ticket - but how do you buy a ticket if you have no money and your own brother says it’s important to him? Eventually I got a ticket for him. It was then that I said to myself: “I loved doing it: organizing it, finding the money and everyting. I think I am a man of action.” I really don’t like when I have too much time on my hands.
I guess for me any addiction drives me towards what is sinful. Addictive behavior is less about what you are addicted to, and more about why you are addicted to it. Therefor, in my humble opinion, I think the resolutions lie in facing the monsters within us, not the ones around us. Being an addict is basically putting something in the place of God - the first commandment. We turn our back on the fountain of life-giving water, and dig a hole in hopes of catching a little rain.
Rest, solitude, silence, journaling, confession: these spiritual disciplines come to mind as ways that we can get in touch with some of our biggest fears and hang-ups that lie in the deep and often hidden places of our soul — a journey that sadly and seldom the Christian ever takes. It is a narrow road. The easier way is to simply replace “harmful/taboo” addictions, with more “pleasant/acceptable” ones.
I am a recovering addict to pornography, work, perfectionism, church, and entertainment. My biggest adventure to date in my life, is walking into these dark and scary places that lie buried within my own soul.
G.K. Chesterson once said: “Christianity has not so much been tried and found wanting, rather it has been found difficult and left untried.”
spoken like a bunch of people that have never gone through the windshield onto the interstate…now that’s a rush.
exodus 14:14…the lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.
being still before god is a must; if we can’t quiet ourselves, we won’t hear god’s voice through the noise in our heads, and thus we miss his intimacy. my guess is this coincides with not being capable of solitude with god.
being too active is just a way of not submitting to his will. we do it to put ourselves on the throne.
When i was at Skyline I was this way…but I would find myself hard charging only to crash and take several days if not a couple of weeks to recover…going two or three months away from kids and family…
Since my move to Texas I am living differnt…I actually enjoy being away…and find myself more effictive than before…
So why all you guys and gals hang out on the edge I’ll be out surfing…except for the surf is back in San Diego where I left…bummer…
Have fun!
Maybe the whole adreline thing is what keeps you going…
I mean seriously.
Multi campus megachurch pastor guy (I hate the term megachurch)
Husband
Father (6 kids)
Author
and blogger…who responds to blogs
I am a student pastor w/ a wife and 3 kids and sometimes I don’t answer all my e-mail.
It is true that our biggest assets overdone will kill us.
I do love the whole adrenaline rush. A few weeks ago when I took a group to Mexico on Mission trip the bus stopped on the interstate (for some mysterious reason…I still don’t know why). But I am inclined to begin to ascend the cliff cut out for the interstate. Little did I know the rock was evidently some perversion of the devil called shale which gave way when I was half way into my climb. The great thing was that the bus windows were like a big screen tv of the whole episode…better yet with technology being what it is today, of course the whole thing was caught on video (Blasted cell phones). It was quite nice to hear that the young teenage girls do love their student pastor…evidenced by their screams of horror at my rapid decent. Ahh the rush. Of course we confiscated all video equipment, so the evidence could be erased (and stay off Youtube). I did learn a few things.
Shale is not good for climbing
Broken shale will cut you like a razorblade
Flip flops are not the best rock climbing equipment
That was just the trip there…we went on to have 1032 salvations and a great week…isn’t God awesome that he can use a bonehead like me…
I am going to wake up the wife to have some more kids…before I start on the book.
Man, Terry, you really nailed something:
“If I’m really honest, part of me just wants to be a cool Christian…I want to be the man. I know this is pride knocking at my door.”
I’m mad at you for saying that out loud. I didn’t realize that this pride was lurking in my heart until you said this.
Seriously, this is a great conversation. My problem is that when I let my foot off the gas pedal even a little bit, I get really nasty with my family. I got so mad at my son last night that I almost passed out.
The worst of it is that I should know better. One of you mentioned “Be still and know that I am God.” My mentor has taught me to take some personal surrender time each morning where I lay face down on the floor and just tell God that I give up. When I do this regularly, my life runs much more smoothly - fewer dips and peaks, things seem to fall into place, and Mr. Nasty rarely makes an appearance. When I don’t, well, you get the picture.
I hate that.
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