Mentoring (1 of 5)
The Origin and Purpose of Mentors
Over the years, I’ve talked about how mentors have impacted my life. Almost every time I use the word “mentor,” someone asks:
- How can I find a mentor?
- What does a mentor do?
- How can I mentor someone?
I’ll devote this week to discussing mentoring.
Let’s start with the origin. The word mentor has its origins in Homer’s epic, The Odyssey. In the story, before sailing to war, King Odysseus entrusted his friend, Mentor, to care for and educate his son, Telemachus. Originating from this tale, the word “mentor” became synonymous with a trusted friend, enlightened advisor, and teacher.
No matter how gifted you are in your field, there is NO SUBSTITUTE for life experience. Without an experienced mentor, you’re drastically limiting your potential impact and performance.
The right mentor(s) will do several things:
- Speak honestly about where you are and help you map a course to where you’re going.
- Help you remove obstacles and personal barriers.
- Partner with you in navigating through success.
- Help you dissect and learn from failure.
- Share invaluable insight into what you’ll experience in the future.
- Be a friend who helps nurture your maturing process.
Would those of you with great mentors add some additional benefits or insight?
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I think at some point in life I have touched all three areas of mentoring…
When I first started working, I was mentored by one of the best VPs of marketing and one of the best VPs of Business Development in Dallas - heck, I’d even say Texas. It was for a start up online grocery company and I got in literally on the ground floor (Employee hire #26 out of over a thousand). They let me sit in on so many meetings and I was able to see how something can be taken from nonexistence to thriving, could ask questions, and learned a ton.
After leaving the marketplace and starting to work for churches four years ago, I found that mentoring in the workplace — or even within the church as a whole — is NOTHING like it was in my experience in the marketplace. It practically doesn’t exist. As young, semi-newly married persons in ministry, my husband and I long for this - in various circumstances we have asked around, tried connecting with people but nothing seems to stick.
I’ve seen churches with ministry programs that are more like Match.com for mentoring. Show up to an event, get your name in a hat and you’re partnered with a “mentor” for six months.
We both value the presence of a mentor greatly; but besides continuing to seek out people…does anyone have any suggestions on how to actually find (and keep) a mentor?
i think there is also the idea of challenging and empowering you in ways or areas you would have never thought of alone. cool series.
I also think a mentor is someone who gives you the the tools to succeed and allows you the opportunity to fail.
Bryan and Tony, Thanks for adding your valuable thoughts!
Anne, It’s sad that you had better mentoring in the business world than in the church. I believe Christ-followers should be the best mentors in the world! I’m going to devote tomorrow’s post to addressing your question about how to find a mentor.
One of my core values is being teachable. The right mentor can impart all the wisdom they have learned from their experiences throughout their life to anyone willing to listen. The right mentor isn’t afraid to let their student see their failures because that experience is often the best teacher. Like a mentor once told me, “If you ever see a turtle sitting on a fence post, you know it had a little help getting there.”
God has given me a great mentor in Austin Gardner. Many of the characteristics you mentioned above he has and so many more. I think another thing about a mentor is that he may be equal in nature but not equal in position. He may be a friend but he is never a buddy. A mentor never drops to the level of the one who is being mentored; he always expect the other to rise up to his level.
I feel one of the key points to being mentored is the willingness to be teachable with a humble spirit. In many cases there are individuals around us on a daily basis that can and do build into our lives, if we approach this with the right attitude there is great opportunity to grow and learn. So important to be a good listener which I need to a better job of(both at work and home). Not the same as a one on one mentoring relationship but there is great value in listening and connecting with good people that we are around daily. I have been blessed to work in a small business for 25 years with great people that value others. I am thankful for those who have encouraged me that I have learned much from.
Kyle, Great to see you in Tulsa yesterday! Keep me posted on what we talked about! Love the turtle quote.
Travis, Interesting quote… “may be a friend but never a buddy.”
Steve, You are so right about the willingness to be teachable. Thanks.
Hi Craig-
Sorry I haven’t been on here in awhile, I’ve just been overwhelmed (busy).
I love your post today. I have a couple of thoughts…
1. I think we all need a mentor. It doesn’t matter who you are (short of Jesus, and even He consulted with God via prayer!!), you need someone to speak into your life. It’s just critical.
2. I think we have a tendency not to want a true mentor. The reason? We naturally like it when people agree, and pushback can be hard to hear when you don’t want it (we’ve all been there)
3. I think in ministry especially (compared to other work I’ve done) it’s hard when you don’t have it. We can get busy in our church at x size and not network with others, and find someone to speak into our lives.
4. A great struggle for me is that I feel the need for a mentor, someone outside of my church, but don’t have that right now (at least someone that can invest time more than an occasional every-six-months phone call). I need someone to be able to call and vent when I get frustrated, to call me to the line when necessary, to encourage me, to bring me back to reality, etc.
Thanks for the post, looking forward to more on this.
BTW, I don’t know if I ever wrote on here and told you this, but I used to work for your dad in Ardmore at Bealls. He was a slave driver (ha). I also met you at Super Summer years ago. We chatted awhile, I was looking for a worship pastor job and you were looking for someone at one of your campuses (you eventually got Trent I think for that church) and I gave you a crappy CD I had done. I laugh to myself when I think about it because it was a crappy project and I remember being so embarrassed at the time!! I’m proud to see all you guys are doing, be blessed!
How can I find a mentor? Good question. A related one is: How can I find someone who wants me to be his/her mentor? I have learned so much from all of you guys. It has helped me so much and now I want to pass it to others. But I don’t want to intrude or impose myself on their lives. Tere is this newly wed couple where I go to church and I look at them and think to myself, “Can I tell you this and this and this to help you with your vision in your marriage” But the issues of APs (accountability partners) or Ms (mentors) are still very foregin to my culture and I find it difficult to impart my knowledge (and experience) onto people.
I’m sorry. I seem to have more questions than anwers.
More on Mentoring
I will be posting some thoughts later today about mentoring to follow-up on Kris’ message yesterday. Also, Craig Groeschel from LifeChurch has just started a 5-part series on mentoring on his blog. It looks like it will be great stuff….
Maybe if I had a mentor, they would advise me not to post comments until after I’ve had my morning Diet Coke. I talked about two of the three things…being mentored and not being mentored…but the third is…
Being a mentor.
I think when you have a mentor, that relationship also is an example on how TO mentor. Both Chris & I had the opportunity to mentor several high schoolers in so many different areas - him with music and faith; and me with design and/or writing and faith. Most of our approach was learned by being the “mentee” (??) in a relationship.
It’s a trickle down effect, and now some of those high schoolers we mentored are in college and mentoring other high schoolers.
Marcin-
I think it’s great that you have more questions than answers. That’s one thing I appreciate abut this blog… that we all struggle with this together.
I think the best way to find a mentor is to be one… and ask God to send one into your life.
I have more questions than answers too.
Blessings!
Bobby Clinton (Fuller Seminary) has done an interesting job of identifying 9 type of mentors…
1. Discipler -Someone who can help you develop the basic habits and practices of a Christian.
2. Spiritual Mentor - Someone who can help you evaluate your spiritual health and spur you to a deeper relationship with God.
3. Coach -Someone who can teach you new skills
4. Counselor - Someone who gives advice and perspective when making decisions. This can be informal or formal “counseling�.
5. Teacher -Someone who helps you learn new things
6. Sponsor -Someone who opens doors and links you to people, new resources, new opportunities
7. Contemporary Model - Someone who’s example you can learn from and follow.
8. Historical Model - Someone in the past who’s life you can learn from – primarily through biographies.
9. Divine Contact - Someone who God brings across your path at just the right time, with just the right message
At different times, we have different mentoring needs.
Instead of finding one person to meet all your mentoring needs, “think small” develop a team of specific people to help you with specific mentoring needs. If you’re interested, you should check out the book “Connecting” He co-wrote.
Mike,
Thanks for the nine types of mentors. Very interesting.
Larry,
Wow! I had no idea you worked with my dad!
I always pray for a FAT kid to mentor:
F - Faithful
A - Available
T - Teachable
May you be blessed with a FAT kid!
I think that it’s important to acknowledge and seek out those individuals whom you can benefit from their mentorship, you have to respect that person and feel like they have something to offer. I had an individual who was my mentor when I worked in the juvenile justice system. It made it easy for me to be mentored by him because of his experience, life experience and his willingness to challenge me. The fact that he was willing to take a risk and hire me for a leadership role at a very young age, also went a long way.
The difficult transition is when you realize that you have the ability and responsibility to mentor others.
Craig,
When I was in college (circa 1995), I interviewed you for a paper I was doing on my future career. You were incredibly busy at the time (I think you were still in seminary), but you gave me your undivided attention. You also offered to let me plug into your ministry as an intern or something so I could learn the ropes. I turned you down because I was already plugged in somewhere else, but I have always appreciated your offer. Thanks for mentoring a young pastor-to-be!
I really like mentos too.
The basic chewy mint ones. Not the fruity kinds.
Sounds like they have done a lot for so many people. They are big league.
OH Mentor…that’s a whole different thing all together. I have never had any success with a mentor type relationship either way. I pull on lots of folks around me and try to get around smarter people who have made a real impact in what they do. It just seems that to say I have any one or a group of ones that do what Craig talked about in his post would be an extreme overstatment. Now I am sad. Thanks Craig…nice job picking on a poor little student pastor guy. Not that you can make me sad–I choose to be sad based on what you said;o).
I have even had a few people in my life ask me to mentor them (Go figure)…but it never seems to work out. Maybe I shouldn’t scream at them like Matt Foley “the motivational speaker.”
In any case I soldier on…mentorless. And now…sad about it.
At least I still have mentos. The mint ones…
Sorry…Late night sermon prep boredom. I know–you’ll never get that 2 minutes back…but it took me 10 to write it.
Thank you Larry! -:)
Rob, Glad you had a late-night sermon break!
Lisa, Thanks for the kind words. I’m so glad I gave you my full attention! My wife claims I never give my full attention to anything!
I hope your ministry is blessed!
Craig:
Great post! A few years ago I heard Tim Elmore discribe a mentor as, “A brain to pick, a shoulder to cry on and a kick in the seat of the pants.” I think it takes all three roles in balance.
I also think it’s the last role above that makes it difficult to be effectively mentored or to be an effective mentor. Accountability is one of the most talked about but least practiced Christian principles today. Everybody says they want accountability but too often when it happens the response is to push back (myself included!) It takes relationship, time, and establishing a “safe place,” to take off the mask and get real.
Blessings all over you.
In the school setting where I work, mentors are assigned–not a good thing. In having and being a mentor in other settings, I have found that if both are invested, a funny thing happens—both grow!!
My question is this: Do you have to identify a mentoring relationship? I mean, do you have to go to the person you look up to and respect and say “you are my mentor” or go to the person you check in on and try to advise and say “I am mentoring you”? I wonder if we don’t take full stock of the relationships we have in our lives because we are trying to identify them. Does that make sense?
I sat here reading these comments and thought of several people throughout my life who’ve I’ve confided in, been “real” with, sought advice from and hopefully grew in the process - but I’ve never referred to those people as a “mentor”. I’m not saying that it isn’t necessary, I am just asking if it is? Does the relationship have to be defined or can it simply exist organically?
Alison,
I like your question. You could ask, “Does a mentor have to be called a mentor to be a mentor?” My take… No.
Craig - thanks - I feel better about not having identified my mentors as such, but still being able to grow from the relationship. This has sparked some questions though about whether or not I should have the “mentor discussion” with a few people in my life right now.
I see such a hunger in people today for mentors. What a privilege I am finding it to be — and yes, a calling….to mentor ‘young’ gals. I view it as something to take seriously….to invest time and prayer into…..
Basically - for me, I see it as a time to share my life and to be available — walking through life with another sister in Christ. Some people think they have to ‘have it ALL together’ to be a mentor. I have found that women aren’t looking for someone to be perfect…..they just want someone to listen to them, to be transparent and to be willing to share insights and the things they have learned in life….God builds our faith to be shared with others….
Pam,
I agree with you. There is a huge hunger for mentors. I’ve heard about a ton of young gals at our church asking for mentors and only a limited number of ladies responding to these opportunities.
I’m thrilled to hear you’re investing in the next generation. May God give you great wisdom!
[...] By the way, there is a fantastic series of posts on mentorship that begins here. [...]