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Guest Blog: Chris Spradlin
Chris Spradlin is our Oklahoma City Campus Pastor. Here are some of his thoughts…
CHARGON
Do you use words like “unpack”, “do life together”, “fellowship hall”, “emergent” or “missional”? If so, you officially speak chargon (church jargon). No matter what your denomination, geographical location or age, these words (chargon) seem to infiltrate every sentence that rolls off our lips. I believe that one of the most overused chargon terms today is “accountability”. We write about accountability, talk about it, lead our teams around it, speak about it…But do we live it? Or is it just chargon?
411 ON ACCOUNTABILITY
- CONFIDENTIALITY: This is a non–negotiable! What is said @ Starbucks must stay @ Starbucks. (not even to be taken home to a roommate or spouse)
- SPIRITUAL ARROGANCE: The playing field must be level. Do not grow co-dependent on the other, don’t allow spiritual superiority to infiltrate the relationship.
- DON’T SETTLE: Ask tough questions. Push back. Be specific. Can I see your internet history? Show me your checkbook? Purity is on the line.
- GO ALL IN: Put it all on the table, too many people leave the table with a few chips left in their pocket. What are the chips in your pocket? Make the call today!
What thoughts do you have regarding accountability? Success stories? Tips? Accountabiity questions? Failures?
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personally, i lied the first three months of my “accountability” relationship. i was single at the time, dating a christian guy (now husband),and met with another girl who is amazing and gracious and i lied to her face.
what girl would want to admit to struggling with porn? (http://relevantmagazine.com/life_article.php?id=7209) or that she and her boyfriend would only part with a brief farewell kiss? Especially a girl who was in ministry…because I had seen examples of people who were not “professional christians” — those who DID let others in their darkest closets — they got chopped.
Eventually, I came clean with her…I couldn’t live with myself…my boyfriend and I went to our youth pastor, who graciously moved us from student ministry to behind the scenes student ministry and we met with him (we were volunteers at the time)…and he helped restore us. Soon after becoming married, we both became staff members.
Sadly, that is NOT the case for so many church staff or volunteers. They fear the wrath of being human in a world where sometimes good or morality is worshipped more than the grace of a Savior. Satan only confirms this fear in them and causes it to grow.
Accountability must be demonstrated from the highest ranks. Pastors must be open and honest (using wisdom of course) but people have got to know that they are just as frail as the rest of us…And pastors have a safe environment in which to share their heart, their sins (confessing to one another) or else hiding their sin becomes a priority…and not listening to the spirit.
note: *Not parting with just a goodnight kiss…if only it WERE the case!! Sorry, it’s early.
How do you go about finding an accountability partner? Is it better to have different accountability partners for differents areas (financial, spiritual, physical, etc.) or just one?
I have found it difficult to find an accountability partner that will REALLY hold me accountable.
Great post Chris. This has really been an issue here as of late. I have seen both sides of the spectrum lately with accountability. I have seen something called accountability which was actually a way for people to openly complain about and disrespect their spouses, and I have seen accountability grow to the co-dependency level. Both incredibly unhealthy.
Thanks for the 411. On another note, Id love to connect with you as I am a campus Pastor for Seacoast church.
Great post Chris. Thanks for the kick in the tail, we all need it!
I left my true accountability partners in Dallas, and am really praying for God to deliver a great friendship here… Phone and email is difficult no doubt.
Good stuff!
All great points and each one individually can strengthen or destroy the accountability relationship. I had an accountability partner for well over a year that I felt wasn’t being truthful about a certain situation and when it was brought to light, he just abandoned the relationship and tried to turn the tables, using confidential things from our accountability against me. Plain & simple, it gave me a bad taste for the whole thing, but I’m not so jaded that I’ll never do it again. Many good things can come from accountability and the honesty factor may be the most important. I also really like Chris’ point on “Spiritual Arrogance.” I think it’s imperative that each person be on the same level. How can you help each other if one is perceived to be stronger or more knowledgeable than the other? Great topic here, thanks for the food for thought!
Chris,
Good post bud! It seems that I am always in and out of a good accountability relationship. As soon as I start pouring out and asking hard questions the other person has a conflict…(timing, reliability, etc..) Wait, that doesn’t mean I’m a freak….RIGHT?
Anyway, I am searching for an accountability relationship that will be long-lasting. Next time you see me, you can punch me if I haven’t been trying to fix this problem!
Thanks for the kick in the pants!
I have an AP and we have met and worked through some hard stuff. The keys for us are nothing fancy:
1. Commitment to meet regularly. Take two. It is prob your turn.
2. Time. It takes time to get to that place of “radical” trust - about a year for us.
3. Breakthrough moment. This is the conversation that you both walk away from and go, “What in the world was that…Thank you God.” It will happen.
Galatians 6:2 says to “carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” If you won’t allow another to carry your burdens then you are preventing them from being able to fulfill what the Lord commanded.
Accountability needs to be more than just “I screwed up again.” “Oh, that sucks. Sorry man.” “Yeah, I’ll let you know when it happens again (not that we would actually say this, but it’s what we mean).”
While that is technically accountability, accountability should be so much more. Hebrews 3:13 says to “encourage one another daily, as long as it is called ‘Today,’ so that none of you will be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”
The purpose of accountability is to prevent sin. And that is done by encouraging — that is, giving courage. The purpose of accountability is to give spiritual courage, strength, power, means to defeat sin.
The whole idea of accountability is so alien to me. Even more, it’s so alien to my culture. I have never heard of anything like it in the place where I live. But it’s such a good idea. I wish I had an AP. Maybe I’m wrong but maybe a female AP would be best. She would show me a different perspective, e.g. to understand my spouse better, and to love her more.
Maybe I’m the one that God is sending to start an AP culture?
Thanks Chris.
Marcin, thank you for taking the time to respond. First I am very curious as to where you are from? I thought that the “chargon” of AP had infiltrated about every culture found on google earth. Secondly I encourage you to prayerfully consider who it is that God may be bringing into your life for accountability. This is a relationship where there must be total trust and vulnerability. My recommendation is same sex accountability partners, primarily because i do not think it is wise for men to build authentic and vulnerable relationships with other women. This could get pretty messy. But I encourage you to move forward w/ creating a accountability culture in your community. Keep me posted!
“# CONFIDENTIALITY: This is a non–negotiable! What is said @ Starbucks must stay @ Starbucks. (not even to be taken home to a roommate or spouse)”
Aren’t there circumstances where confidentiality is negotiable? In fact, must be negotiated in advance?
Thank you Chris. It was so uplifting to read your answer to my post. Well, I’m from Lublin in Poland and about (I can’t remember exactly) 6-7 months ago I “accidentally” came across LifeChurch.tv. on the Internet. I had never seen anything like in in my entire life! I found it just on time! I needed it!
Yes, I agree: total trust and vulnerability. And yes, a much bigger part of me says now that it’s better to have same sex APs. Yes, I agree.
I’ll move forward to create an accountability culture. Thank you for the encouragement Chris. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
Great question Jimmy.
I have found myself in a couple of situations where I felt very uncomfortable to be carrying others secrets/confessions. But the primary thing that we must remember in accountability relationships is that they can be akward and messy…just like the world we live in. However, you must do what you feel comfortable with. If you feel that you must negotiate boundaries on the front end of your relationship, I encourage you to move forward w/ this. It might take a bit longer to develop commitment and trust, but you must move in the direction you are feeling led.
I have been told things in the past, that I felt uncomfortable knowing, however, instead of coming clean for them…after praying my guts out, fasting, talking, fighting, etc…….I was able to lead them to a place of coming clean.
It was tough, but God was honored through this situation.
Gina,
sorry it has taken me so long to respond. Great questions! There is not any set template for accountability. You have to find what works best for you. I have had accountability w/ a group of guys…I benefited in a big way for the collective minds at the table. I have had one on one AP’s, this too has been extremely beneficial. I also have been a big advocate of mentors in my life. Financial mentors, life development mentors, marriage mentors, etc…
As for accountability partners, the canvas is blank. Pick up your brush and start painting the canvas and see what works best for you.
Marcin,
I would love to learn more about what God is doing in Poland….are you a christ follower? if so, how long? are you apart of a local church? Sorry I am full of questions…but have you ever attended the LifeChurch.tv internet campus?
No problem Chris. It’s a pleasure to answer your questions. Poland is (statistically) a 90% Catholic country so there is a lot to do. (e.g. our whole family are Catholic). My wife and I used to be Catholics but now we want to be Christ followers.
I became a born-again Christian about 8 years ago, but I became a Christ follower a few months ago.
My wife and I became part of a local church a few weeks ago. It’s a Pentacostal church, I think it’s the biggest (about 200 members - small by yuor standards), non-Catholic church in our city (300-400 thousand inhabitants). But we (my wife and I) don’t feel to be denominational. At the moment, however, the Pentacostal Church seems, for a few reasons, the best solution. I found God there. There are other godly churches in my city but they’re smaller.
I have lots of plans, lots of visions. But I don’t know what plans God has for me.
Since I came across LifeChurch I began to think that I want to be like you. I attend the LifeChurch.tv internet campus in the sense that I watch the messages (Craig’s and yours, and others (thank you)) and also I am in touch with J. Blanchard (John told me about the blog) and B. Donaldson, who are always there to help.
But I’m a learner. At least I finally understood it: I need to learn a lot.
This is only my story in a nutshell, Chris. The whole story is a little more complex. Sadly, it was sad things that brought me closer to God. But that’s good. I’m stronger now.
[...] someone else’s moment of shadows. Just a few days later, I would be sitting in church and Chris Spradlin, the Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, campus pastor,LifeChurch.TV, would look me right in the eye and say [...]
[...] a few days later, I would be sitting in church and Chris Spradlin, the Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, campus pastor,LifeChurch.TV, would look me right in the eye and say [...]